What brings excellence in marriage is when the operational and functionality of the marriage relationship are based on the kingdom principles (keys) that God provided from the foundation of the earth. God wants the best for the marriage he created and that was why he gave us keys that will unlock excellence in every marriage.
Every marriage relationship deserves to be excellent. Excellence simply means to be outstanding; to possess good qualities to a high degree. It is doing the right things at the right time and in the right place. God wants your marriage to be outstanding; he wants you to know his principles and be able to use the principles, as at when due to having what he has freely given to you in Christ Jesus.
Excellence is of two sides; the inward side which is the heart and the outward side which is the art (what we do). And these two sides must be on balance in operation and functionally else there will be issues in the marriage.
Key #1: Value Excellence
A man’s life is a product of his thought so also the outcome of every marriage relationship is a product of the combined thoughts of the couples. The foundational secret of marriage is in this phrase… “and the two becomes one”. Couples are expected to discuss the future of their marriage to enable them to have a common dream, vision, aspiration, and purpose.
The stagnation of many marriages is as a result of conflicting or opposing thoughts of couples. If it will be difficult to achieve excellence in marriage if couples do not have similar or the same value for excellence.
As couples, take out time to discuss how you want your marriage to be regarding finance, parenting, serving God, fashion, vacation, schooling of the children, family holiday, family traditions, etc.
To see the best in any area of your marriage, you must desire to be outstanding in that area because nothing comes or happens by mere wishing. You also must be ready to make the needed adjustment and sacrifices and be discipline to pursue it.
Key #2: Don’t Settle For Average.
God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live. That’s why he sent Christ to make us what we are. Ephesians 2:10
Excellence means to stand out, therefore, decide to stand out as a father, husband or as a wife and mother. The foundation here is; decision.
Outstanding life or life of mediocre does not happen by dance; they are products of desire, decision, and discipline. God is an outstanding God and he made you and your spouse in his image to be outstanding. He had given you the ability and capacity that you require to have an outstanding marriage relationship.
Key #3: Pay Attention To Details.
“Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? Luke 14:28
The attitude of paying attention to details is going to help in bringing the best in your marriage and that of your spouse. Paying attention is knowing and understanding your responsibility to if the marriage and your spouse and doing what is required of you to fulfill your responsibility.
It is required that you know and understand your physical, spiritual and emotional responsibility to yourself and your spouse. Don’t be too busy to take care of yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. And don’t be too busy to take notice of what is happening to your spouse physically, spiritually and emotionally.
If you discipline yourself to paying attention to what is happening in your marriage, you will prevent a lot of loop-holes that destroy marriage and you will be able to establish an outstanding marriage relationship.
Key #4: Be Committed To What Matters.
Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Application of the word of God in marriage is what brings excellence into any marriage relationship. It is the word of God that builds you up (tells and shows) what to do, when to do it and how to do it and when you obey the word, you will succeed in your marriage.
Study this Book of Instruction (your bible) continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. Joshua 1:8
However, the person who continues to study God’s perfect teachings that make people free and who remains committed to them will be blessed. People like that don’t merely listen and forget; they do what God’s teachings say. James 1:25
Unfortunately, many believers know what the word of God says but they don’t do what the word says. The best way to have are excellent marriage is to commit yourself to do what the word of God said (this is what is called Jesus Kind Of Marriage).
Key #5: Be A Person Of Integrity.
The integrity of the upright shall guide them, But the perverseness of the treacherous shall destroy them. Proverbs 11:3.
But most of all, my brothers, do not take oaths, not by the heaven, or by the earth, or by any other thing: but let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No: so that you may not be judged. James 5:12
Integrity is the ability to be truthful to God and yourself and others. It is the character of being a person of your word; this is when you’re yes is your yes and your no is your no.
How will your spouse rate you in terms of honesty and sincerity? One of the cancers that eat marriage relationships is when there is no more sincerity between couples and subsequently this will lead to a lack of trust among couples.
If you desire excellence in your marriage, you must develop and have the character of been sincere and honest to your spouse. Remember that God created man and woman naked and they are not ashamed of themselves which implies that they are open and honest without any secret for each other.
Key #6: Always Respect Your Spouse.
The greatest thing your spouse wants from you is not sex, food or affection but sincere and genuine respect for who he/she is. To experience excellence in your marriage, you must learn to respect your spouse in thoughts, words, and actions.
Respecting your spouse will be possible if you can eliminate every form of superiority or inferiority complex. Nobody likes it when his/her self worth or self-esteem is being trampled on, therefore, don’t do it to your spouse.
Be proud of your spouse in his/her presence or absence. Value your spouse in your mind; think about his/her positive qualities and learn to accommodate his/her weaknesses. Two of you are one, therefore, treat him/her the way you will treat yourself.
Key 7: Develop The Attitude Of Extra.
Excellence is not mediocrity, therefore, it demands extra effort and extra sacrifice. If you desire to have an excellence marriage you must to ready to put an extra in the way you relate with your spouse.
There will be reasons for discouragement and de-motivation but if you keep on with the attitude of putting extra, you will triumph over any challenge that comes your way. The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is extra therefore if you want to have an extra-ordinary or an outstanding marriage, you must be ready to put the required extra.
Extra is what is needed to transform an ordinary marriage into an outstanding marriage. This is a process that requires a high level of determination and discipline to achieve. Above all the benefit of it should be your motivation.
Key 8: Develop The Habits Of Constituency.
A Pastor told a story of how a woman told him that her husband was about to divorce her and marry a more beautiful woman. During their discussion, the pastor found out that the woman used to be very attractive to her husband but has stopped taking good care of herself and lost that attraction to her husband subsequently, her husband started having extramarital affair to the extent that he wants to divorce her and marry another woman.
The woman stopped been consistent in keeping up her good and attractive look which almost cost her marriage. The pastor told her to start making herself attractive and she did and that was how she saved her marriage. Does this relate to you? Are you still consistent in doing those things that got you attracted to your spouse?
Excellence in marriage is as a result of consistent improvement and upgrading in the things that got you attracted to your spouse. Sit down and make a proper analysis of yourself and decided where you need to improve. Do the same for your spouse and let him/she know about it. Hold each other accountable as you help yourself in these areas.
Key #9: Learning And Keep Improving.
For you are still only baby Christians, controlled by your own desires, not God’s. When you are jealous of one another and divide up into quarreling groups, doesn’t that prove you are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like people who don’t belong to the Lord at all. 1 Corinthians 3:3
Bishop David Oyedepo said that whoever that stops learning has started dying. You are created as an improving being by God and God expects you to learn, study, improve and grow and get better.
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
If you want an excellent marriage, you must be ready to keep yourself updated and knowledgeable in the following areas.
- Keep knowing more of Jesus
- You must keep knowing more about yourself and your spouse.
- A whole lot is taking place in your environment keep yourself updated.
- Improve on your character and personality
Key #10: Give Your Best.
Mediocrity will never produce excellence in your marriage, therefore, give your best always. To attract and sustain excellence in your marriage, you must always give your best. Give your best love, give your best attention, give your best caring, just give your best and continue giving your best.
You are meant for your spouse, therefore give him/her the best of you. Don’t give room for him/her to get this from an outsider because if it happens, it is going to cause a lot of damages to your marriage.
Key 11: Make Excellence A Lifestyle.
Pastor Sam Adeyemi said that his friend told him that excellence does not cost rather it pays. The first step to have an outstanding excellent marriage is Desire. With desire comes determination and discipline and without these three in place, you not achieve excellence in your marriage. Be ready to make the needed sacrifice.
Nothing good comes without a price. Excellence in marriage has a price and sacrifice attached to it. God had given you the capacity and ability to do it. Don’t leave the excellence of your marriage to chance, rather be intentional about it and make it a lifestyle. Think about it always and you will have it. Toyota said, good thinking good product. And the scripture said; as a man thinks, so he is.
How will you feel if you have an excellent spouse, excellence in lovemaking, excellent communication; excellence in all areas? It is possible but it requires sacrifices, commitment, and dedication. The goal is to make it a lifestyle.