SEE YOUR SPOUSE FROM GOD’S PERSPECTIVE

SEE YOUR SPOUSE FROM GOD’S PERSPECTIVE

by | Nov 20, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

To see your spouse from God’s perspective simply means to see the good, positive and hopeful side of your spouse even when they are not there with the understanding that everything that God made is good and that marriage is a good gift from God. One of the greatest undoings of many people is allowing circumstances, situations, challenges, events, places, and people to prevent them from seeing their spouse from God’s perspective and subsequently living their lives outside God’s purpose.  If you want to save your marriage or bring back that special spark in any relationship, start by learning how to manage your perception said, Daniel Dowling.

It is important to see your spouse from God’s perspective because you are who God said you are; your spouse is who God said he/she is and above all, your marriage is exactly what God makes it. Everything good comes from God. Every perfect gift is from him. These good gifts come down from the Father who made all the lights in the sky. But God never changes like the shadows from those lights. He is always the same.  James 1:17

God’s Word Is Eternal.

To be able to see your spouse from God’s perspective, you must hold the word of God at very high esteem. The word of God is not separate from God and the word of God lives forever and above all the word of God is very powerful and has the capacity to create and brings things to manifestation. The word of God is eternal therefore whatever the word said about your spouse is the truth and it is eternal.

The Integrity Of God’s Word

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away. Matthew 24:33

The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. Isaiah 55:10-11

The circumstances of your marriage and your spouse; good or bad cannot change what God has made your marriage to be (the truth). For a batter marriage relationship, you must see your spouse from God’s perspective by believing that the truth (the word of God) is eternal and will remain eternal.

The truth is that you and your spouse are created by God in His image and after His likeness and that God put up your marriage for your own good. Every good and perfect gift comes from God. Marriage came from God, therefore, marriage is good and perfect including yours. These are truths from the bible and they are eternal.

 Your Spouse Is A Master Piece From God.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV).

How will you feel when you see a work that is carefully and wonderfully designed? Don’t you know that your spouse is a masterpiece; wonderfully and carefully made handiwork of God? Do you think that God will create something that will be one percent less from perfect? God took his time to tailor-made your spouse for you. You have to see your spouse from God’s perspective for a better marriage relationship. God created your spouse in Jesus Christ, and in Jesus Christ your spouse is complete; whole and entire lacking nothing.

Imagine what your marriage relationship will be like when you begin to see your spouse as been unique inside-out. There is power in imagination; the better the imagination (picture) of your spouse you have in your mind, the better your spouse will begin to become. Battle your mind and make it begin to see how wonderful your spouse is

 See Solution Even When It Seems Hopeless.

When you develop the habit of seeing your spouse from God’s perspective, you will be able to see the solution when situations look hopeless. There is power in the spoken word, and words are controlled by thoughts. This is why God wants you to see your spouse based on who he said he/she is because it is going to guide your words, deeds and actions towards your spouse (Colossians3:17).

You are created in the image and likeness of God therefore, God expects you to see hope and solution when things are not going well in your marriage relationship. Learn to speak a solution like God; speaks what you want to see into existence. In the beginning, the whole earth was without form and void. God spoke it into shape. Jesus said Lazarus was sleeping; let’s go and wake him – up. See solution because in Jesus you can do all things (Philippians4:17).

Depend On The Power Of The Holy Spirit

It will be difficult to always see your spouse from God’s perspective without the help of the Holy Spirit. Your own strength, ability, and capacity cannot do it. You need help and that help must be from the Spirit Of God, the word of God, and fellowship with God through prayer. God wants you to depend on him in all things including your relationship with your spouse.

Marriage is divine as well as a mystery and everything about it is God’s idea, therefore it can only be operated using the supernatural enablement that comes from the Holy Spirit. Trying to operate a supernatural thing with a natural ability will amount to putting a square peg in a round hole. It will not make a good match. It is the Holy Spirit that has the answer to every “How” in a marriage. You can’t understand God’s purpose, intention and plan for marriage without the Holy Spirit, therefore, depend on him to help you to see your spouse from God’s perspective.

 Be Careful Who You Hear From.

The type of association you keep, the information you get and counsel you receive will affect the way you perceive your spouse. Stop following the crowd. Be mindful of the counsel you take (from friends colleagues, social media, etc); they might destroy your marriage. Your marriage is better than some of those people that you want to take counsel from. Your marriage is unique. It is custom made just for you. Your wife was specially made by God for you and she is to satisfy you in all things. Your wife is unique. You cannot find her replica anywhere.

Stop desiring another man. Your husband is your perfect match. That thing you want from other men, your husband has the best of it. Adjust yourself to God’s demand and you will see that your husband is the best man that God has ever created. A whole lot of things are going to be in place if you can develop the habit of seeing your spouse from God’s perspective (Looking out for the best in your spouse.

 Conclusion.

To see your spouse from God’s perspective entails among other things the ability to see the solution in whatever that is going wrong in your marriage; to be positive-minded and have a positive expectation (18 For surely there is an end, and thine expectation shall not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18(KJV).

Be hopeful and be expectant. Speak solution and not complaining or murmuring. Act with the picture of victory in your mind. See your victory in Christ Jesus. Continue in it. Patiently wait on your expectations; it might take time, but patiently wait and continue to see your victory. In addition to patience, you must work in love. Faith works well in love.

 Warning!

There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. Proverbs 16:25(NKJV). Seeing your spouse in your own perspective will not help your marriage; therefore if you want to enjoy the best marriage relationship, you MUST see your spouse from God’s perspective

 

10 STEPS TO GROWING AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE

10 STEPS TO GROWING AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE

by | Nov 13, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

The human desire for intimacy, for love, drives us to do things that we never thought we would. But why, and what does it mean to be intimate?

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25

God created us first to have an intimate relationship with him and then with each other. Above all, he created a marriage with the intention that husband and wife should be naked and not ashamed (open and close to each other). Any marriage without the knowledge and understanding of the importance of growing intimacy has a high chance of collapsing.

Growing an intimate marriage is a process of bringing down everything that hinders interpersonal relationships and inculcating things that build up close and a warn relationship between couples. This is very important because lack of intimacy gives room for all forms of marital problems and nobody is in marriage to endure but everyone is in marriage to enjoy the best that marriage can offer.

 

10 Proven Steps To Grow Intimacy In Your Marriage.

Step 1: Understand That Your Differences Are From God

Your spouse can never be you and your spouse can never be exactly what you want him or her to be. You must embrace this bitter truth if you want to grow intimacy in your marriage. The fact that marriage is a mystery implies that neither marriage and elements of marriage (husband and wife) are superficial. They are deep and need to be well understood to achieve maximum effectiveness that is in marriage.

Step 2: Have A Positive Perception Of Your Spouse

It is a fundamental requirement in growing intimacy in marriage for the couples to have a positive perception of each other. Your spouse is a good gift to you because he/she is a product from God. God loves your spouse because he/she is made in the image and likeness of God, therefore, to grow an intimate marriage, you must learn to see your spouse as a good gift that comes from God (you cannot do this without the Holy Spirit).

Step 3: Understand That God wired you and your spouse differently.

You are wired differently from your spouse in many ways. The good news is that your differences no matter how many they are is not as important as to what you do with them.

What you don’t know might not benefit you until you understand it. Therefore you must make a conscious decision and effort to understand the chemistry and temperamental makeup of your spouse if you desire to grow an intimate marriage.

God did not use the same method in creating Adam and Eve. Yet they were naked and not ashamed until sin came in. The connecting force is in understanding that you are to complement each other. Intimacy comes when you understand the strength and weaknesses of your spouse and see it that it is for your advantage.

Step 4: Be Ready To Make An Ongoing Adjustment.

There are many reasons to make adjustments; some of them are; the difference in personality, the difference in temperament, different upbringing, you might grow up in a different environment, or come from a different cultural background. Other differences include ethnicity, religion, age, educational qualification and so on.

These and many more reasons call for an adjustment in your perception, behavior, and lifestyle. For this adjustment to be effective, you must consider your spouse first before you. Find out the areas of differences, things he/she likes that you don’t and start taking steps into blending into his/her. The goal is Not me but for my spouse. Go out of your comfort zone to do things just for your spouse.

Action like this draws out the best in your spouse; it sparks off better communication, empowers and grows affection and acceptance and breaks invisible walls that hinder intimacy and usher in growing intimacy in the marriage.

Step 5: Understand Who Your Spouse is?

The power of communication is in understanding and communication is the life wire of marriage because, without good functional communication, there will be no growth in intimacy. You cannot communicate well with your spouse if you don’t understand who he/she is and when there is no good communication, there will be no growth in intimacy.

Growing an intimate marriage means that couples have been able to discover and understand who they are to a point of complimenting each other to produce the balance that is needed in the marriage. Understanding is what brings balance and balance is an indication that the couples are growing in intimacy.

You must be intentional in understanding your spouse. Don’t be careless or nonchalant about it. Take your time to observe and study your spouse. Find out the things he/she likes or does not like. Know his hobbies and preferences. This is very important because without it, growing an intimate marriage will be very difficult.

Step 6: Be passionate about your Spouse

One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come. 2 So I said to myself, “I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.” So I searched everywhere but did not find him. 3 The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, “Have you seen the one I love?” 4 Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love! I caught and held him tightly, then I brought him to my mother’s house, into my mother’s bed, where I had been conceived.

Song Of Solomon 3:1-4

You cannot grow an intimate marriage without been passionate about your spouse. How emotionally are you attached to your spouse? Your emotional attachment and feelings for your spouse is supposed to be strong to the extent that you cannot do without him. The lover in the Song Of Solomon cannot stay without the spouse. He went out in search of her until he found her. Go all out to be attached and united to your spouse. Search for it until you found it.

Passion opens the heart of your spouse. There is nothing that brings a commitment to a relationship as the presence of passion. Passion attracts, it motivates and empowers risk-taking. You will get the best of your spouse if he/she is convinced that you are passionate about him/her.

Step 7: Do the Love

My children, our love should not be only words and talk. No, our love must be real. We must show our love for the things we do. 1 John 3:18

Growing an intimate marriage is action-oriented.

Your action to your spouse in your heart that your spouse is seeing. Let your spouse see your love through your words and your actions. The best way to do the love that will help in growing an intimate marriage is to discover your law in marriage and keep it.

Two laws govern the marriage relationship. One is to the man and the other to the woman. The husband is to love the wife. The wife is to be submissive to the husband. Read more of it in chapter two of Jesus Kind Of Marriage.

Step 8: Forgive Before The Offence.

Unforgiveness will not help in the growth of an intimate marriage. These are some of its dangers the marriage

  • Unforgiveness brings about separation (Proverbs 17:9 NLT).
  • It exposes a marriage to all forms of satanic manipulations, delay, and denial (Matthew 18:34).
  • Prayers are hindered by unforgiveness (1Peter 3:7 NLT).
  • Unforgiveness brings emotional torture.
  • You cannot win the race of marriage with unforgiveness.
  • Above all. unforgiveness gives the devil an in-road into marriages.

Abhor unforgiveness and cling unto forgiveness. It is for your own good. It is for the good of your marriage and above it is what God wants you to do. Forgiveness restores a relationship and grows intimacy in marriage. Learn to say, I was wrong; I am sorry, please forgive me.

Step 9: Sex

 

Emotional attachmentSex is a bonding force when it is well applied in marriage. It strengthens the bond of love between husband and wife, it brings closeness and oneness and has a way of uniting the heart of the couples there helping to bring about growth in intimacy between couples. Couples are not to neglect the place of physical attraction; for it is the fuel that powers sexual desire.

Sex is not a thing to be trivialized in marriage if you want to grow an intimate marriage because it is a very important part of marriage. Marriage without good and functional sexual life is not a working marriage. It is a marriage that is tending towards extension. Sex is a very core part of marriage therefore, value it, cherish it and appreciate it and know more about it.

Step 10: Fellowship together

Growing an intimate marriage demands that you and your spouse must create time to do things together. I have separated these activities into four cardinal parts to create balance and effectiveness in the marriage. These parts are

  • Emotional fellowship (sex, love-notes, outing, send gifts, celebrating special dates, etc).
  • Mental fellowship (Sharing ideas, knowledge, and information, attend seminars, watching or listen to life-transforming videos or tapes, etc).
  • Physical fellowship (Exercises, decide on good eating habits and follow it).
  • Spiritual fellowship (Prayer, daily devotion, attending the same church, etc).

Doing the above activities and many more together will help in growing an intimate marriage.

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GUIDE YOUR MIND AND HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.

GUIDE YOUR MIND AND HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.

by | Nov 12, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

And Jesus said, “The things that make people wrong are the things that come from the inside. All these bad things begin inside a person, in the mind: bad thoughts, sexual sins, stealing, murder, adultery, greed, doing bad things to people, lying, doing things that are morally wrong, jealousy, insulting people, proud talking, and foolish living. These evil things come from inside a person. And these are the things that make people unacceptable to God.”
Mark 7:20-23 (ERV).

Heart here in Greek is called ‘Koran’. Its primary root meaning is “the thoughts or feelings (mind)”. It also stands for man’s entire mental and moral activity, both the rational and emotional elements.

Guide your mind and have a wonderful marriage! How simple it sounds but understanding it will go a long way in making your marriage better. A guided mind will lead to a wonderful marriage while an unguided mind will bring disaster in any marriage.

Before I got married to my wife, I had this mindset that her words are always sarcastic. It is true? No. But my mind had captured it that way and it began to work so negatively in my marriage. I can’t have a good discussion with her because I will always see something wrong in whatever she says. This singular thought patter caused a lot of damage to our communication. But thanks to Jesus who took me and began to teach me relational tactics. Our communication is getting better daily.  

 

Your Thought Is What Determines What Your Marriage Will Be Like.                                                                        

23 Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life. Proverbs 4:23 (ERV). 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 (NLT).

“Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master”. As a man thinks

Your life is shaped by your thought. The way you relate with your spouse in any manner (be it sex, communication, appreciation; anything) is shaped by your thought this why you must guide your mind if you want a wonderful marriage.

If you can have your mind transformed to see your marriage the way Jesus made it; to talk about marriage, your spouse and your family based on what Jesus said even when they are contrary, it is a matter of time before your marriage will begin to become Christ-like. From experience, I have found out that I get better in my relationship with my wife as my mind gets renewed and as I think of her positive attributes. The principle is: focus on the strength of your spouse.

 How to guide your heart. 

 James Allen said “A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought forces upon the object which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and

imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting point for future power and triumph”.

 Focus on the strength of your spouse.

8 And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. Philippians 4:8 (TLB).

8 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious — the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Philippians 4:8 (MSG).

Your spouse is not completely bad and he/she will never be. That challenging situation will fizzle if you can discipline yourself and be consistent in guiding your mind to focus on the strengths of your spouse. Your responsibility is to focus on the positive side and the strength of your spouse always these attitudes of intentionally guiding your mind to see the positive is what will make your marriage wonderful.

Relate To This Story…

Ten out of the twelve men that went to spy the land of Jericho in the book of Numbers chapters 13 and 14 saw insurmountable obstacles that will not allow them to possess the land that God ‘had’ given them. But two men, Joshua and Caleb show opportunity (Numbers 14:6-9). Why are there conflicting reports on the same scenario? The answer is the state of their mind determines how they perceive things. What are you seeing in your spouse?

 There are lots of good things about your spouse. Be at peace on your inside; refresh your mind and look in-ward you will see that your spouse is wonderful and fearfully made. If you can see his/her positive traits and strengths, in your mind, you then you can see them outside. Think about them, pray about them and speak to them and you will see them.

Put your trust in the lord.

Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what the Lord wants, and he will help you go the right way. Don’t trust in your own wisdom, but fear and respect the Lord and stay away from evil. If you do this, it will be like a refreshing drink and medicine for your body. Proverbs 3:5-8 (ERV).

By your own strength, ability, and expertise, you can do little or nothing in any ugly situation (John 15:5). Why not look unto Jesus who is the bridegroom of the entire churches and learn from him (Matthew 11:28-30). When your mind is focused on Jesus, when you develop the habit and culture of trusting him always, He will give you peace in your mind. When your heart is peaceful, you can hear better, you can understand better and you can communicate and act better.

 In   Matthew 14:28-31, when peter’s heart was focused on Jesus, he was walking on water but when his heart (focus) was shifted from Jesus to the boisterous wind, he began to sink. As long as your focus and trust are on Jesus, be rest assured that your marriage will never sink no matter how boisterous the domestic storm seems to be. As a matter of truth, Jesus had perfected your marriage more than 2000 years ago.  Trust Jesus with your marriage and He will give you your heart desire. If not Jesus, my marriage could have ended long ago. Thanks be to Jesus who is continually maturing me in the act of marriage.

Conclusion.

Guide your mind and have a wonderful marriage. Start by offloading every form of negative deposits in your mind; do away with them because they are cancerous to your marriage. Start feeding and filling your mind with the best side of your spouse because it is good for your marriage.

Eleven Keys To Excellent Marriage Relationship.

Eleven Keys To Excellent Marriage Relationship.

by | Oct 18, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

 

What brings excellence in marriage is when the operational and functionality of the marriage relationship are based on the kingdom principles (keys) that God provided from the foundation of the earth. God wants the best for the marriage he created and that was why he gave us keys that will unlock excellence in every marriage.

Every marriage relationship deserves to be excellent. Excellence simply means to be outstanding; to possess good qualities to a high degree. It is doing the right things at the right time and in the right place. God wants your marriage to be outstanding; he wants you to know his principles and be able to use the principles, as at when due to having what he has freely given to you in Christ Jesus.

Excellence is of two sides;  the inward side which is the heart and the outward side which is the art (what we do). And these two sides must be on balance in operation and functionally else there will be issues in the marriage.

Key #1: Value Excellence

 A man’s life is a product of his thought so also the outcome of every marriage relationship is a product of the combined thoughts of the couples. The foundational secret of marriage is in this phrase… “and the two becomes one”. Couples are expected to discuss the future of their marriage to enable them to have a common dream, vision, aspiration, and purpose.

The stagnation of many marriages is as a result of conflicting or opposing thoughts of couples. If it will be difficult to achieve excellence in marriage if couples do not have similar or the same value for excellence.

As couples, take out time to discuss how you want your marriage to be regarding finance, parenting, serving God, fashion, vacation, schooling of the children, family holiday, family traditions, etc.

To see the best in any area of your marriage, you must desire to be outstanding in that area because nothing comes or happens by mere wishing. You also must be ready to make the needed adjustment and sacrifices and be discipline to pursue it.

Key #2: Don’t Settle For Average.

God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live. That’s why he sent Christ to make us what we are. Ephesians 2:10

Excellence means to stand out, therefore, decide to stand out as a father, husband or as a wife and mother. The foundation here is; decision.

Outstanding life or life of mediocre does not happen by dance; they are products of desire, decision, and discipline. God is an outstanding God and he made you and your spouse in his image to be outstanding. He had given you the ability and capacity that you require to have an outstanding marriage relationship.

Key #3: Pay Attention To Details.

“Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? Luke 14:28

The attitude of paying attention to details is going to help in bringing the best in your marriage and that of your spouse. Paying attention is knowing and understanding your responsibility to if the marriage and your spouse and doing what is required of you to fulfill your responsibility.

It is required that you know and understand your physical, spiritual and emotional responsibility to yourself and your spouse. Don’t be too busy to take care of yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. And don’t be too busy to take notice of what is happening to your spouse physically, spiritually and emotionally.

If you discipline yourself to paying attention to what is happening in your marriage, you will prevent a lot of loop-holes that destroy marriage and you will be able to establish an outstanding marriage relationship.

Key #4: Be Committed To What Matters.

Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Application of the word of God in marriage is what brings excellence into any marriage relationship. It is the word of God that builds you up (tells and shows) what to do, when to do it and how to do it and when you obey the word, you will succeed in your marriage.

Study this Book of Instruction (your bible) continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. Joshua 1:8

However, the person who continues to study God’s perfect teachings that make people free and who remains committed to them will be blessed. People like that don’t merely listen and forget; they do what God’s teachings say. James 1:25

Unfortunately, many believers know what the word of God says but they don’t do what the word says. The best way to have are excellent marriage is to commit yourself to do what the word of God said (this is what is called Jesus Kind Of Marriage).

Key #5: Be A Person Of Integrity.

The integrity of the upright shall guide them, But the perverseness of the treacherous shall destroy them. Proverbs 11:3.

But most of all, my brothers, do not take oaths, not by the heaven, or by the earth, or by any other thing: but let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No: so that you may not be judged.  James 5:12

Integrity is the ability to be truthful to God and yourself and others. It is the character of being a person of your word; this is when you’re yes is your yes and your no is your no.

How will your spouse rate you in terms of honesty and sincerity? One of the cancers that eat marriage relationships is when there is no more sincerity between couples and subsequently this will lead to a lack of trust among couples.

If you desire excellence in your marriage, you must develop and have the character of been sincere and honest to your spouse. Remember that God created man and woman naked and they are not ashamed of themselves which implies that they are open and honest without any secret for each other.

Key #6: Always Respect Your Spouse.

The greatest thing your spouse wants from you is not sex, food or affection but sincere and genuine respect for who he/she is. To experience excellence in your marriage, you must learn to respect your spouse in thoughts, words, and actions.

Respecting your spouse will be possible if you can eliminate every form of superiority or inferiority complex. Nobody likes it when his/her self worth or self-esteem is being trampled on, therefore, don’t do it to your spouse.

Be proud of your spouse in his/her presence or absence. Value your spouse in your mind; think about his/her positive qualities and learn to accommodate his/her weaknesses. Two of you are one, therefore, treat him/her the way you will treat yourself.

Key 7: Develop The Attitude Of Extra.

Excellence is not mediocrity, therefore, it demands extra effort and extra sacrifice. If you desire to have an excellence marriage you must to ready to put an extra in the way you relate with your spouse.

There will be reasons for discouragement and de-motivation but if you keep on with the attitude of putting extra, you will triumph over any challenge that comes your way. The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is extra therefore if you want to have an extra-ordinary or an outstanding marriage, you must be ready to put the required extra.

Extra is what is needed to transform an ordinary marriage into an outstanding marriage. This is a process that requires a high level of determination and discipline to achieve. Above all the benefit of it should be your motivation.

Key 8: Develop The Habits Of Constituency.

A Pastor told a story of how a woman told him that her husband was about to divorce her and marry a more beautiful woman. During their discussion, the pastor found out that the woman used to be very attractive to her husband but has stopped taking good care of herself and lost that attraction to her husband subsequently, her husband started having extramarital affair to the extent that he wants to divorce her and marry another woman.

The woman stopped been consistent in keeping up her good and attractive look which almost cost her marriage. The pastor told her to start making herself attractive and she did and that was how she saved her marriage. Does this relate to you? Are you still consistent in doing those things that got you attracted to your spouse?

Excellence in marriage is as a result of consistent improvement and upgrading in the things that got you attracted to your spouse. Sit down and make a proper analysis of yourself and decided where you need to improve. Do the same for your spouse and let him/she know about it. Hold each other accountable as you help yourself in these areas.

Key #9: Learning And Keep Improving.

For you are still only baby Christians, controlled by your own desires, not God’s. When you are jealous of one another and divide up into quarreling groups, doesn’t that prove you are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like people who don’t belong to the Lord at all.  1 Corinthians 3:3

Bishop David Oyedepo said that whoever that stops learning has started dying. You are created as an improving being by God and God expects you to learn, study, improve and grow and get better.

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

If you want an excellent marriage, you must be ready to keep yourself updated and knowledgeable in the following areas.

  • Keep knowing more of Jesus
  • You must keep knowing more about yourself and your spouse.
  • A whole lot is taking place in your environment keep yourself updated.
  • Improve on your character and personality

 

Key #10: Give Your Best.

Mediocrity will never produce excellence in your marriage, therefore, give your best always. To attract and sustain excellence in your marriage, you must always give your best.  Give your best love, give your best attention, give your best caring, just give your best and continue giving your best.

You are meant for your spouse, therefore give him/her the best of you. Don’t give room for him/her to get this from an outsider because if it happens, it is going to cause a lot of damages to your marriage.

Key 11: Make Excellence A Lifestyle.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi said that his friend told him that excellence does not cost rather it pays. The first step to have an outstanding excellent marriage is Desire. With desire comes determination and discipline and without these three in place, you not achieve excellence in your marriage. Be ready to make the needed sacrifice.

Nothing good comes without a price. Excellence in marriage has a price and sacrifice attached to it. God had given you the capacity and ability to do it. Don’t leave the excellence of your marriage to chance, rather be intentional about it and make it a lifestyle. Think about it always and you will have it. Toyota said, good thinking good product. And the scripture said; as a man thinks, so he is.

How will you feel if you have an excellent spouse, excellence in lovemaking, excellent communication; excellence in all areas? It is possible but it requires sacrifices, commitment, and dedication.  The goal is to make it a lifestyle.

 

BE READY TO TAKE CORRECTION.

BE READY TO TAKE CORRECTION.

by | Oct 7, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

Take Correction

Because you are still in the flesh means that you are not perfect and that means that you are prone to errors and mistakes. This is the reason you must be ready to take correction for adjustment and improvement in your thoughts, words, and actions.

The ability and habit of taking sincere correction are very important because a marriage where the couples are not willing and ready to take correction will hit the rock sooner than you can imagine. There will be no improvement in that kind of marriage and that marriage will not fulfill its God-given purpose.

Look at what the scripture said about correction: 31 If you pay attention when you are corrected, you are wise. 32 If you refuse to learn, you are hurting yourself. If you accept correction, you will become wiser. Proverbs 15:31-32 (GNT).

Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. Exodus 18:24 (NIV). If Moses in his wealth of knowledge and anointing can take correction from his father in law, I believe you can do that also.

Why Is It Difficult To Take Correction?

There are several reasons why people find it very difficult to make corrections. In this post, I am going to bring out a few of the reasons and you will use them as a template to appraise yourself sincerely and take make amends that will improve your marriage relationship.

  • Inferiority And Superiority Complex.

Inferiority complex and superiority complex has been the major reason why couples find it very difficult to take correction from each other. Pride is the mother of both complexes and this the reason why people with complex problems find it difficult to take correction. Because of complex issues, couples don’t want to understand each other not to talk of taking correction from them forgetting that God said that they are neither inferior nor superior to each other but are equal in the grace of God (1 pet 3:17).

When you look down on yourself (inferiority complex), you will see your spouse as been oppressive and domineering which will lead you to a kind of emotional withdrawal and subsequently hinders you from taking correction. Also, when you see yourself as being better than your spouse (superiority complex), you will want to impose your totality on him/her and this also will make it difficult to take correction.

God created you and your spouse in such a way that if one is up, the other will be down to strike a balance for an effective marriage relationship. Be ready and willing to take correction.

  • Defensive Mood

The defensive mood is when one of the couples does not want to understand his/her spouse but wants to be understood from his/her point of view. This is also a complex issue. If you have the habit of not been interested in understanding your spouse but want your spouse to understand you or if all you want is to air your view with the hope that your spouse will understand you and you are not willing and ready to understand him/her, then it will be difficult for you to take correction.

Stop been defensive when your spouse is complaining about you or what you did because this will make you not understand him/her and when you don’t understand, you will not be able to take correction. My advice is that you should try and understand his/her grievances or the reason for his/her anger, this will help to do the right thing.

  • Breakdown In Communication.

Communication is a two-way process; the outgoing and incoming therefore it takes at least two people to have effective communication and in marriage-husband and wife. Breakdown in communication occurs when its flow becomes one-sided and when this happens, it becomes very difficult to take correction because of a lack of understanding of information.

Lack of good communication between couples will collapse, destroy or hinder the growth of any marriage relationship. Every thriving marriage relationship is an indication of the presence of good communication skills by couples. To have a better marriage relationship, you must learn the needed communication skills and keep on improving it.

When there is a breakdown in communication, it hinders empathy. And this will hinder empathy and shut down communication. Don’t look down on yourself (that is inferiority complex). This will make you think that your spouse is taking advantage of you. Neither will you look too highly of yourself (this is superiorly complex) which will make you think that your spouse does not know what he/she is saying. These two extremes slow or shut down the flow of communication and hinders the acceptance of correction.

Attitudes That Will Help You To Give And Take Correction.

The act of taking and giving correction is a habit that does not come easily because of human nature. Nobody is perfect because we are still in the flesh. But some attitudes will help you to improve in this aspect hereby improving your overall marriage relationship.

  • Humility.

17 “This is not good!” Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. 18 “You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. 19 Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you… 23 If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.” 24 Moses listened to his father-in-law’s advice and followed his suggestions. (Exodus 18: 17-24).

This is just a call to a life of humility. Who is Jethro to compare to Moses? Has Jethro seen the face of God before? Has Jethro performed the miracles that Moses performed? Has Jethro the number of the congregation that Moses had? Was Jethro as educated and learned like Moses? The answer to the above questions is NO! Yet Moses in his humility took his advice and applied it to his ministry. Humility is a key attitude that you must have if want to be able to take the right and necessary correction.

  • Avoid Unnecessary Arguments.

Steer clear of foolish discussions that lead people into the sin of anger with each other. 2 Timothy 2:16 (TLB). Avoid unnecessary arguments with your spouse because their outcomes are never good for the marriage relationship. The wounds they create can take years to heal. Just make sure you make your point in love with graced words. If he/she does not understand, allow it that way. The Holy Spirit will take it up from there.

  • Don’t Think That You Know It All.

But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. Galatians 2:11 (NLT). Paul challenged Peter openly, even thou Peter was older than Paul in ministry, Peter did not argue. He took the correction in good fate. Like I said earlier, you are not perfect and you will never be perfect therefore be ready to take correction from your spouse.

How To Receive Correction.

There is always a better way to do anything. In this section, I want to show you methods that will help you to know how to give and take correction that will yield the maximum result and give you a better marriage relationship.

  • Understand The Matter.

Develop the habit of understanding your spouse because this will help you in understanding his/her point of view when there is an issue or when discussing. You cannot make or take correction without first understanding the why of the matter. Acknowledge his/her point of view even when it is not completely true or correct. Then apologize to him/her. By this I mean to speak to his/her emotion. You must help your spouse to calm down.

When you now see that your spouse has come down (this can be immediate or at a later time). Then you can come up with whatever you observe or want to say. This is important because, at the state of calmness, there will easy follow of communication. At this point, you can correct, give excuses, educate or inform in love. And there is every likelihood you will be understood and everybody will be better and life goes on.

  • Have Respect For Your Spouse.

The real proof of love in a marriage relationship is respect. You cannot take correction from your spouse if you did not love him/her and lack of respect for your spouse is an indication of the absence of love. How much do you love your spouse? Can it be improved? Are there offenses and grudges that are bottled in your heart. Do you have an issue of inferiority or superiority complex? Sincerely answer these questions because they will help you in solving the issue of respect.

A correction done in respect will be effective and achieve the desired result. When you want to correct, do so in respect by making your words to be in the grace that is enveloped in love. Know when to correct. Understand your spouse to know when best to discuss certain issues. I am always cautious of the timing when I want to discuss issues with my wife. Anytime I allow my emotion to be in lead, I will miss it. In the end, I will see myself apologizing before I can be able to make my correction or express my displeasure. Human beings are very cautious of their self worth including your spouse. Please don’t puncture it.

  • Use The Scripture.

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16 (NKJV).

The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.2 Tim othy3:16 (TLB).

Make the bible your manual that will guide your marriage relationship. Anchor your inspiration for marriage relationship upon the bible. God gave us the bible to do the following in our lives:

  • Doctrine: The bible shows you the path to walk on.
  • Reproof: It shows where you have gotten off the right path.
  • Correction: Then it also you how to get back to the right path.
  • Instruction: Scripture shows you how to stay on the right path.

You cannot run a successful marriage without the word of God. It is not possible. Apart from your spouse, be ready and willing to make corrections from the word of God.

Conclusion.

There is nothing like a useless person. Everybody can be useful at one point or another. And there is nobody that knows it all. It is only the Holy Spirit that knows all things. You cannot always be right. Your spouse is to compliment you in your areas or times of weakness. Have you forgotten that you have a different upbringing? Have you forgotten that both of you are wired differently? Don’t you know that you have different temperaments and chemistry? You are one but you are never the same. You complement each other to become one. A husband is not complete without the wife. So also a wife is never complete without her husband.

 

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship.

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship.

by | Sep 12, 2019 | Marriage Relationship

Communication skilss

Communication is the lifeline of every marriage relationship because it is how information is exchanged between couples. It is how couples connect in all things intending to reach mutual understanding. A wrong application of communication skills can destroy a marriage relationship and good communication skills will help the marriage relationship to grow and keep on getting better.

Lack of good communication between couples will collapse, destroy or hinder the growth of any marriage relationship. Every thriving marriage relationship is an indication of the presence of good communication skills by couples. To have a better marriage relationship, you must learn the needed communication skills and keep on improving it.

Communication is a two-way process; the outgoing and incoming therefore it takes at least two people to have effective communication and in marriage-husband and wife. The husband must possess the needed communication skills so also the wife if they want to have a good marriage relationship.

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship:

  • Know when to present a matter.
  • Talk to your spouse.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Listen with empathy.
  • Avoid been defensive.
  • Be slow to anger
  • Speak good words.

    i)   Know when to present a matter.

    . “…. It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right – time!” Proverbs 5:23( NLT ).

It is a must that you understand the chemistry of your spouse; his/her temperament, moods and disposition. Understanding this will aid in your communication with your spouse because there is always the right time to speak to somebody and get the desired result. Find out this time and utilize it. Knowing when to speak with your spouse is one the communication skill that will transform your marriage and give you the needed peace and joy that every marriage demands.

It might interest you to know that there are some issues you need to commit to the hand of God before you can discuss it with your spouse otherwise the outcome of the discussion might be devastating.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3 (NIV).                       

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. Proverbs 21:1 (NIV).

 Leverage on these divine provisions; don’t take things for granted because words are very powerful, they can build and it can destroy therefore always seek divine assistance while discussing some issues with your spouse.

ii)    Talk to your spouse.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare…4 Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:1,4(NLT).

Every human being deserves respect, therefore, do your best to talk to your spouse with respect. Make it a mutual discussion and Jesus will see you through. Shouting, nagging, complaining will get you nowhere.  The only thing they can offer is strife and strife is a door opener to the devil. 16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16(KJV).

Self – control is the number one habit you must possess if you want to master the communication skill of talking with your spouse. Without self-control, it will be difficult to have an effective conversation and discussion with your spouse. I have learned from experience that nothing good will come out of shouting at your spouse. Though am still struggling to overcome this evil habit of shouting, my joy is that I get better in communicating with my wife.

But thank God that self-control has been freely given to us as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. As a believer, you have to always collaborate and work with the Holy Spirit for your character and spiritual development, growth and maturity.

iii)    Be a good listener.

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. James 1:19-20 (NLT).

A good listener is one who understands before replying or speaking, therefore, you need to learn this communication skill of understanding before speaking if you want you to desire a better relationship with your spouse. This skill demands that you talk less and listen more because amid too many words you stand a chance of making mistake in your speech which might be injurious to your spouse.

Understanding before speaking is a sign of maturity, strength, and wisdom. You stand a better chance to communicate better when you understand what you want to say. This skill will bring you automatic respect from your spouse and also help you actualize your motive for the discussion. Be quick to hear but slow to speak.

iv) Listen with empathy.

Empathy in its simplest definition is the awareness of the feelings and emotions of your spouse therefore, empathy goes far beyond mere sympathy, which might be considered feeling for a spouse. Empathy is you been aware of the feelings, needs, and concerns of your spouse and approach your discussion or communication from that point of view.

Develop the skill of understanding the feelings and the emotional state of your spouse. Infuse your mind to his/her own so that you can draw out the context of the message and decode his/her emotional state. Always listen with your full attention; don’t assume you know what he/she is about to say or is saying. Don’t interrupt unless for classification or to affirm to him/her that you are following and when you want to speak, do that with respect.

v) Avoid been defensive.

Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them. That way you will not embarrass yourself and look foolish. Proverbs 18:13 (ERV). 

It is a natural tendency to be defensive but is has never been a good communication approach. When your spouse brings up an issue, concentrate on understanding him/her before defending yourself. Don’t in a hurry to speak and when you want to speak,  let your spouse know that you understood him/her ( You have to rely on the Holy Spirit to help you apply self-control and wisdom as you communicate with your spouse). Defending yourself, shouting, nagging and complaining does not solve any issue rather it escalates them.

vi) Be slow to anger.

It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army. Proverbs 16:32 (TLB).                                                                                                                                     Ambrose Bierce said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

I know from experience that anger is not good because it has caused me more pain than anything else in my marriage. Been defensive while communication with your spouse is one of the habits that breed anger in a marriage relationship. Been defensive is a sign and indication of pride and it is pride that causes and fuels anger in a marriage relationship. My advice is; defend nothing, rather present things the way they are or the way you understand them.

vii)     Speak good words.

Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.Proverbs 16:24 (NLT).Be mindful of your words. Don’t speak to get back to your spouse. Speak to calm him/her down and then communicate your point. Your words must be in grace.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” John 8:4-7 (NLT).

Jesus said to the crowd if you know that you have not sinned before, be the first to throw a stone on this woman. Jesus called all of them sinners without insulting or abusing them. He calmed their emotions down without offending them and still communicated His point.

It was my wife that thought me this to know this. A day came, she told me that the best way to give her advice is to speak with her gently and not by shouting and I have tried this and it is working so well. Anytime I do otherwise, it will be like pouring water on a stone and the whole matter will escalate instead of been settled. Words spoken in anger will never yield good fruit in a marriage relationship. Rather speak kind words because they are honey to the soul will always yield you good results.

Conclusion:

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Ephesians 4:29 (MSG).

 

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