Eleven Keys To Excellent Marriage Relationship.

Eleven Keys To Excellent Marriage Relationship.

 

What brings excellence in marriage is when the operational and functionality of the marriage relationship are based on the kingdom principles (keys) that God provided from the foundation of the earth. God wants the best for the marriage he created and that was why he gave us keys that will unlock excellence in every marriage.

Every marriage relationship deserves to be excellent. Excellence simply means to be outstanding; to possess good qualities to a high degree. It is doing the right things at the right time and in the right place. God wants your marriage to be outstanding; he wants you to know his principles and be able to use the principles, as at when due to having what he has freely given to you in Christ Jesus.

Excellence is of two sides;  the inward side which is the heart and the outward side which is the art (what we do). And these two sides must be on balance in operation and functionally else there will be issues in the marriage.

Key #1: Value Excellence

 A man’s life is a product of his thought so also the outcome of every marriage relationship is a product of the combined thoughts of the couples. The foundational secret of marriage is in this phrase… “and the two becomes one”. Couples are expected to discuss the future of their marriage to enable them to have a common dream, vision, aspiration, and purpose.

The stagnation of many marriages is as a result of conflicting or opposing thoughts of couples. If it will be difficult to achieve excellence in marriage if couples do not have similar or the same value for excellence.

As couples, take out time to discuss how you want your marriage to be regarding finance, parenting, serving God, fashion, vacation, schooling of the children, family holiday, family traditions, etc.

To see the best in any area of your marriage, you must desire to be outstanding in that area because nothing comes or happens by mere wishing. You also must be ready to make the needed adjustment and sacrifices and be discipline to pursue it.

Key #2: Don’t Settle For Average.

God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live. That’s why he sent Christ to make us what we are. Ephesians 2:10

Excellence means to stand out, therefore, decide to stand out as a father, husband or as a wife and mother. The foundation here is; decision.

Outstanding life or life of mediocre does not happen by dance; they are products of desire, decision, and discipline. God is an outstanding God and he made you and your spouse in his image to be outstanding. He had given you the ability and capacity that you require to have an outstanding marriage relationship.

Key #3: Pay Attention To Details.

“Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? Luke 14:28

The attitude of paying attention to details is going to help in bringing the best in your marriage and that of your spouse. Paying attention is knowing and understanding your responsibility to if the marriage and your spouse and doing what is required of you to fulfill your responsibility.

It is required that you know and understand your physical, spiritual and emotional responsibility to yourself and your spouse. Don’t be too busy to take care of yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. And don’t be too busy to take notice of what is happening to your spouse physically, spiritually and emotionally.

If you discipline yourself to paying attention to what is happening in your marriage, you will prevent a lot of loop-holes that destroy marriage and you will be able to establish an outstanding marriage relationship.

Key #4: Be Committed To What Matters.

Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Application of the word of God in marriage is what brings excellence into any marriage relationship. It is the word of God that builds you up (tells and shows) what to do, when to do it and how to do it and when you obey the word, you will succeed in your marriage.

Study this Book of Instruction (your bible) continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. Joshua 1:8

However, the person who continues to study God’s perfect teachings that make people free and who remains committed to them will be blessed. People like that don’t merely listen and forget; they do what God’s teachings say. James 1:25

Unfortunately, many believers know what the word of God says but they don’t do what the word says. The best way to have are excellent marriage is to commit yourself to do what the word of God said (this is what is called Jesus Kind Of Marriage).

Key #5: Be A Person Of Integrity.

The integrity of the upright shall guide them, But the perverseness of the treacherous shall destroy them. Proverbs 11:3.

But most of all, my brothers, do not take oaths, not by the heaven, or by the earth, or by any other thing: but let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No: so that you may not be judged.  James 5:12

Integrity is the ability to be truthful to God and yourself and others. It is the character of being a person of your word; this is when you’re yes is your yes and your no is your no.

How will your spouse rate you in terms of honesty and sincerity? One of the cancers that eat marriage relationships is when there is no more sincerity between couples and subsequently this will lead to a lack of trust among couples.

If you desire excellence in your marriage, you must develop and have the character of been sincere and honest to your spouse. Remember that God created man and woman naked and they are not ashamed of themselves which implies that they are open and honest without any secret for each other.

Key #6: Always Respect Your Spouse.

The greatest thing your spouse wants from you is not sex, food or affection but sincere and genuine respect for who he/she is. To experience excellence in your marriage, you must learn to respect your spouse in thoughts, words, and actions.

Respecting your spouse will be possible if you can eliminate every form of superiority or inferiority complex. Nobody likes it when his/her self worth or self-esteem is being trampled on, therefore, don’t do it to your spouse.

Be proud of your spouse in his/her presence or absence. Value your spouse in your mind; think about his/her positive qualities and learn to accommodate his/her weaknesses. Two of you are one, therefore, treat him/her the way you will treat yourself.

Key 7: Develop The Attitude Of Extra.

Excellence is not mediocrity, therefore, it demands extra effort and extra sacrifice. If you desire to have an excellence marriage you must to ready to put an extra in the way you relate with your spouse.

There will be reasons for discouragement and de-motivation but if you keep on with the attitude of putting extra, you will triumph over any challenge that comes your way. The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is extra therefore if you want to have an extra-ordinary or an outstanding marriage, you must be ready to put the required extra.

Extra is what is needed to transform an ordinary marriage into an outstanding marriage. This is a process that requires a high level of determination and discipline to achieve. Above all the benefit of it should be your motivation.

Key 8: Develop The Habits Of Constituency.

A Pastor told a story of how a woman told him that her husband was about to divorce her and marry a more beautiful woman. During their discussion, the pastor found out that the woman used to be very attractive to her husband but has stopped taking good care of herself and lost that attraction to her husband subsequently, her husband started having extramarital affair to the extent that he wants to divorce her and marry another woman.

The woman stopped been consistent in keeping up her good and attractive look which almost cost her marriage. The pastor told her to start making herself attractive and she did and that was how she saved her marriage. Does this relate to you? Are you still consistent in doing those things that got you attracted to your spouse?

Excellence in marriage is as a result of consistent improvement and upgrading in the things that got you attracted to your spouse. Sit down and make a proper analysis of yourself and decided where you need to improve. Do the same for your spouse and let him/she know about it. Hold each other accountable as you help yourself in these areas.

Key #9: Learning And Keep Improving.

For you are still only baby Christians, controlled by your own desires, not God’s. When you are jealous of one another and divide up into quarreling groups, doesn’t that prove you are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like people who don’t belong to the Lord at all.  1 Corinthians 3:3

Bishop David Oyedepo said that whoever that stops learning has started dying. You are created as an improving being by God and God expects you to learn, study, improve and grow and get better.

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

If you want an excellent marriage, you must be ready to keep yourself updated and knowledgeable in the following areas.

  • Keep knowing more of Jesus
  • You must keep knowing more about yourself and your spouse.
  • A whole lot is taking place in your environment keep yourself updated.
  • Improve on your character and personality

 

Key #10: Give Your Best.

Mediocrity will never produce excellence in your marriage, therefore, give your best always. To attract and sustain excellence in your marriage, you must always give your best.  Give your best love, give your best attention, give your best caring, just give your best and continue giving your best.

You are meant for your spouse, therefore give him/her the best of you. Don’t give room for him/her to get this from an outsider because if it happens, it is going to cause a lot of damages to your marriage.

Key 11: Make Excellence A Lifestyle.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi said that his friend told him that excellence does not cost rather it pays. The first step to have an outstanding excellent marriage is Desire. With desire comes determination and discipline and without these three in place, you not achieve excellence in your marriage. Be ready to make the needed sacrifice.

Nothing good comes without a price. Excellence in marriage has a price and sacrifice attached to it. God had given you the capacity and ability to do it. Don’t leave the excellence of your marriage to chance, rather be intentional about it and make it a lifestyle. Think about it always and you will have it. Toyota said, good thinking good product. And the scripture said; as a man thinks, so he is.

How will you feel if you have an excellent spouse, excellence in lovemaking, excellent communication; excellence in all areas? It is possible but it requires sacrifices, commitment, and dedication.  The goal is to make it a lifestyle.

 

BE READY TO TAKE CORRECTION.

BE READY TO TAKE CORRECTION.

Take Correction

Because you are still in the flesh means that you are not perfect and that means that you are prone to errors and mistakes. This is the reason you must be ready to take correction for adjustment and improvement in your thoughts, words, and actions.

The ability and habit of taking sincere correction are very important because a marriage where the couples are not willing and ready to take correction will hit the rock sooner than you can imagine. There will be no improvement in that kind of marriage and that marriage will not fulfill its God-given purpose.

Look at what the scripture said about correction: 31 If you pay attention when you are corrected, you are wise. 32 If you refuse to learn, you are hurting yourself. If you accept correction, you will become wiser. Proverbs 15:31-32 (GNT).

Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. Exodus 18:24 (NIV). If Moses in his wealth of knowledge and anointing can take correction from his father in law, I believe you can do that also.

Why Is It Difficult To Take Correction?

There are several reasons why people find it very difficult to make corrections. In this post, I am going to bring out a few of the reasons and you will use them as a template to appraise yourself sincerely and take make amends that will improve your marriage relationship.

  • Inferiority And Superiority Complex.

Inferiority complex and superiority complex has been the major reason why couples find it very difficult to take correction from each other. Pride is the mother of both complexes and this the reason why people with complex problems find it difficult to take correction. Because of complex issues, couples don’t want to understand each other not to talk of taking correction from them forgetting that God said that they are neither inferior nor superior to each other but are equal in the grace of God (1 pet 3:17).

When you look down on yourself (inferiority complex), you will see your spouse as been oppressive and domineering which will lead you to a kind of emotional withdrawal and subsequently hinders you from taking correction. Also, when you see yourself as being better than your spouse (superiority complex), you will want to impose your totality on him/her and this also will make it difficult to take correction.

God created you and your spouse in such a way that if one is up, the other will be down to strike a balance for an effective marriage relationship. Be ready and willing to take correction.

  • Defensive Mood

The defensive mood is when one of the couples does not want to understand his/her spouse but wants to be understood from his/her point of view. This is also a complex issue. If you have the habit of not been interested in understanding your spouse but want your spouse to understand you or if all you want is to air your view with the hope that your spouse will understand you and you are not willing and ready to understand him/her, then it will be difficult for you to take correction.

Stop been defensive when your spouse is complaining about you or what you did because this will make you not understand him/her and when you don’t understand, you will not be able to take correction. My advice is that you should try and understand his/her grievances or the reason for his/her anger, this will help to do the right thing.

  • Breakdown In Communication.

Communication is a two-way process; the outgoing and incoming therefore it takes at least two people to have effective communication and in marriage-husband and wife. Breakdown in communication occurs when its flow becomes one-sided and when this happens, it becomes very difficult to take correction because of a lack of understanding of information.

Lack of good communication between couples will collapse, destroy or hinder the growth of any marriage relationship. Every thriving marriage relationship is an indication of the presence of good communication skills by couples. To have a better marriage relationship, you must learn the needed communication skills and keep on improving it.

When there is a breakdown in communication, it hinders empathy. And this will hinder empathy and shut down communication. Don’t look down on yourself (that is inferiority complex). This will make you think that your spouse is taking advantage of you. Neither will you look too highly of yourself (this is superiorly complex) which will make you think that your spouse does not know what he/she is saying. These two extremes slow or shut down the flow of communication and hinders the acceptance of correction.

Attitudes That Will Help You To Give And Take Correction.

The act of taking and giving correction is a habit that does not come easily because of human nature. Nobody is perfect because we are still in the flesh. But some attitudes will help you to improve in this aspect hereby improving your overall marriage relationship.

  • Humility.

17 “This is not good!” Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. 18 “You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. 19 Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you… 23 If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.” 24 Moses listened to his father-in-law’s advice and followed his suggestions. (Exodus 18: 17-24).

This is just a call to a life of humility. Who is Jethro to compare to Moses? Has Jethro seen the face of God before? Has Jethro performed the miracles that Moses performed? Has Jethro the number of the congregation that Moses had? Was Jethro as educated and learned like Moses? The answer to the above questions is NO! Yet Moses in his humility took his advice and applied it to his ministry. Humility is a key attitude that you must have if want to be able to take the right and necessary correction.

  • Avoid Unnecessary Arguments.

Steer clear of foolish discussions that lead people into the sin of anger with each other. 2 Timothy 2:16 (TLB). Avoid unnecessary arguments with your spouse because their outcomes are never good for the marriage relationship. The wounds they create can take years to heal. Just make sure you make your point in love with graced words. If he/she does not understand, allow it that way. The Holy Spirit will take it up from there.

  • Don’t Think That You Know It All.

But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. Galatians 2:11 (NLT). Paul challenged Peter openly, even thou Peter was older than Paul in ministry, Peter did not argue. He took the correction in good fate. Like I said earlier, you are not perfect and you will never be perfect therefore be ready to take correction from your spouse.

How To Receive Correction.

There is always a better way to do anything. In this section, I want to show you methods that will help you to know how to give and take correction that will yield the maximum result and give you a better marriage relationship.

  • Understand The Matter.

Develop the habit of understanding your spouse because this will help you in understanding his/her point of view when there is an issue or when discussing. You cannot make or take correction without first understanding the why of the matter. Acknowledge his/her point of view even when it is not completely true or correct. Then apologize to him/her. By this I mean to speak to his/her emotion. You must help your spouse to calm down.

When you now see that your spouse has come down (this can be immediate or at a later time). Then you can come up with whatever you observe or want to say. This is important because, at the state of calmness, there will easy follow of communication. At this point, you can correct, give excuses, educate or inform in love. And there is every likelihood you will be understood and everybody will be better and life goes on.

  • Have Respect For Your Spouse.

The real proof of love in a marriage relationship is respect. You cannot take correction from your spouse if you did not love him/her and lack of respect for your spouse is an indication of the absence of love. How much do you love your spouse? Can it be improved? Are there offenses and grudges that are bottled in your heart. Do you have an issue of inferiority or superiority complex? Sincerely answer these questions because they will help you in solving the issue of respect.

A correction done in respect will be effective and achieve the desired result. When you want to correct, do so in respect by making your words to be in the grace that is enveloped in love. Know when to correct. Understand your spouse to know when best to discuss certain issues. I am always cautious of the timing when I want to discuss issues with my wife. Anytime I allow my emotion to be in lead, I will miss it. In the end, I will see myself apologizing before I can be able to make my correction or express my displeasure. Human beings are very cautious of their self worth including your spouse. Please don’t puncture it.

  • Use The Scripture.

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16 (NKJV).

The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.2 Tim othy3:16 (TLB).

Make the bible your manual that will guide your marriage relationship. Anchor your inspiration for marriage relationship upon the bible. God gave us the bible to do the following in our lives:

  • Doctrine: The bible shows you the path to walk on.
  • Reproof: It shows where you have gotten off the right path.
  • Correction: Then it also you how to get back to the right path.
  • Instruction: Scripture shows you how to stay on the right path.

You cannot run a successful marriage without the word of God. It is not possible. Apart from your spouse, be ready and willing to make corrections from the word of God.

Conclusion.

There is nothing like a useless person. Everybody can be useful at one point or another. And there is nobody that knows it all. It is only the Holy Spirit that knows all things. You cannot always be right. Your spouse is to compliment you in your areas or times of weakness. Have you forgotten that you have a different upbringing? Have you forgotten that both of you are wired differently? Don’t you know that you have different temperaments and chemistry? You are one but you are never the same. You complement each other to become one. A husband is not complete without the wife. So also a wife is never complete without her husband.

 

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship.

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship.

Communication skilss

Communication is the lifeline of every marriage relationship because it is how information is exchanged between couples. It is how couples connect in all things intending to reach mutual understanding. A wrong application of communication skills can destroy a marriage relationship and good communication skills will help the marriage relationship to grow and keep on getting better.

Lack of good communication between couples will collapse, destroy or hinder the growth of any marriage relationship. Every thriving marriage relationship is an indication of the presence of good communication skills by couples. To have a better marriage relationship, you must learn the needed communication skills and keep on improving it.

Communication is a two-way process; the outgoing and incoming therefore it takes at least two people to have effective communication and in marriage-husband and wife. The husband must possess the needed communication skills so also the wife if they want to have a good marriage relationship.

7 Communication Skills That Will Improve Your Marriage Relationship:

  • Know when to present a matter.
  • Talk to your spouse.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Listen with empathy.
  • Avoid been defensive.
  • Be slow to anger
  • Speak good words.

    i)   Know when to present a matter.

    . “…. It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right – time!” Proverbs 5:23( NLT ).

It is a must that you understand the chemistry of your spouse; his/her temperament, moods and disposition. Understanding this will aid in your communication with your spouse because there is always the right time to speak to somebody and get the desired result. Find out this time and utilize it. Knowing when to speak with your spouse is one the communication skill that will transform your marriage and give you the needed peace and joy that every marriage demands.

It might interest you to know that there are some issues you need to commit to the hand of God before you can discuss it with your spouse otherwise the outcome of the discussion might be devastating.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3 (NIV).                       

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. Proverbs 21:1 (NIV).

 Leverage on these divine provisions; don’t take things for granted because words are very powerful, they can build and it can destroy therefore always seek divine assistance while discussing some issues with your spouse.

ii)    Talk to your spouse.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare…4 Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:1,4(NLT).

Every human being deserves respect, therefore, do your best to talk to your spouse with respect. Make it a mutual discussion and Jesus will see you through. Shouting, nagging, complaining will get you nowhere.  The only thing they can offer is strife and strife is a door opener to the devil. 16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16(KJV).

Self – control is the number one habit you must possess if you want to master the communication skill of talking with your spouse. Without self-control, it will be difficult to have an effective conversation and discussion with your spouse. I have learned from experience that nothing good will come out of shouting at your spouse. Though am still struggling to overcome this evil habit of shouting, my joy is that I get better in communicating with my wife.

But thank God that self-control has been freely given to us as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. As a believer, you have to always collaborate and work with the Holy Spirit for your character and spiritual development, growth and maturity.

iii)    Be a good listener.

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. James 1:19-20 (NLT).

A good listener is one who understands before replying or speaking, therefore, you need to learn this communication skill of understanding before speaking if you want you to desire a better relationship with your spouse. This skill demands that you talk less and listen more because amid too many words you stand a chance of making mistake in your speech which might be injurious to your spouse.

Understanding before speaking is a sign of maturity, strength, and wisdom. You stand a better chance to communicate better when you understand what you want to say. This skill will bring you automatic respect from your spouse and also help you actualize your motive for the discussion. Be quick to hear but slow to speak.

iv) Listen with empathy.

Empathy in its simplest definition is the awareness of the feelings and emotions of your spouse therefore, empathy goes far beyond mere sympathy, which might be considered feeling for a spouse. Empathy is you been aware of the feelings, needs, and concerns of your spouse and approach your discussion or communication from that point of view.

Develop the skill of understanding the feelings and the emotional state of your spouse. Infuse your mind to his/her own so that you can draw out the context of the message and decode his/her emotional state. Always listen with your full attention; don’t assume you know what he/she is about to say or is saying. Don’t interrupt unless for classification or to affirm to him/her that you are following and when you want to speak, do that with respect.

v) Avoid been defensive.

Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them. That way you will not embarrass yourself and look foolish. Proverbs 18:13 (ERV). 

It is a natural tendency to be defensive but is has never been a good communication approach. When your spouse brings up an issue, concentrate on understanding him/her before defending yourself. Don’t in a hurry to speak and when you want to speak,  let your spouse know that you understood him/her ( You have to rely on the Holy Spirit to help you apply self-control and wisdom as you communicate with your spouse). Defending yourself, shouting, nagging and complaining does not solve any issue rather it escalates them.

vi) Be slow to anger.

It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army. Proverbs 16:32 (TLB).                                                                                                                                     Ambrose Bierce said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

I know from experience that anger is not good because it has caused me more pain than anything else in my marriage. Been defensive while communication with your spouse is one of the habits that breed anger in a marriage relationship. Been defensive is a sign and indication of pride and it is pride that causes and fuels anger in a marriage relationship. My advice is; defend nothing, rather present things the way they are or the way you understand them.

vii)     Speak good words.

Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.Proverbs 16:24 (NLT).Be mindful of your words. Don’t speak to get back to your spouse. Speak to calm him/her down and then communicate your point. Your words must be in grace.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” John 8:4-7 (NLT).

Jesus said to the crowd if you know that you have not sinned before, be the first to throw a stone on this woman. Jesus called all of them sinners without insulting or abusing them. He calmed their emotions down without offending them and still communicated His point.

It was my wife that thought me this to know this. A day came, she told me that the best way to give her advice is to speak with her gently and not by shouting and I have tried this and it is working so well. Anytime I do otherwise, it will be like pouring water on a stone and the whole matter will escalate instead of been settled. Words spoken in anger will never yield good fruit in a marriage relationship. Rather speak kind words because they are honey to the soul will always yield you good results.

Conclusion:

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Ephesians 4:29 (MSG).

 

I Did Not Kill My Spouse; I Only Spoke A Word

I Did Not Kill My Spouse; I Only Spoke A Word

Words are very powerful; it can build, it can destroy and it can kill therefore couples must learn how to speak to each order wisely because wrong use of words can kill your spouse emotionally and subsequently destroy your marriage.  Using the right words in communicating with your spouse will prevent you from saying; ‘I did not kill my spouse, I only spoke a word.

In this post, you will discover the dangers of the wrong use of words and how to avoid them. You will also learn how to react when your spouse speaks hurting words to you; this is important because your reaction determines about 80 percent of the result of what happens when your spouse has used hurting words on you. You will also discover how to get the best of your spouse through spoken words because words have the creative capacity.

Words can produce life and death!

Words can bring death or life! Talk too much, and you will eat everything you say. Proverbs 18:21 (CEV). The scripture says that words you speak can produce death and it can produce life. What do you want to produce in the life of your spouse or your marriage? Don’t be careless with the words you speak to your spouse because it might cause permanent damage to him/her and the marriage.

Stop Threatening Your Spouse.

Stop using threatening words on your spouse; thou you may not mean what you said but it will have a devastating effect on the emotion of your spouse. Words don’t die and people do not forget words spoken to them. Therefore, be careful with the kind of words you speak to your spouse before you will say I did not kill my spouse, I only spoke to her.  Word is a powerful force; it can kill and it can save a life.

Threaten words are statements made to influence pain, injury, damage or other hostile actions on someone in retribution for something done or not done. No reason is good enough to justify you speaking words that can kill your spouse. Don’t be quick to speak most especially when you are angry because you will regret your words and that regret might be late.

Don’t threaten your spouse with sex denial, divorce, withdraw of any kind of support, not eating food or not sleeping in the house. It is emotionally dangerous to threaten your spouse with physical assault or abuse. None of these threatens are friendly to your spouse or your marriage. Threats are cancerous to any marriage relationship because they are not ordinary words, they are words that can kill. The negative effects of threatening are enormous and are compounding in nature, therefore, avoid using them on your spouse.

 

There Is No Freedom Of Speech In A Marriage.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.1 Corinthians 13:11 (NKJV). Careless words are as a result of immaturity. Maturity demands that you think about what you what to say, understand what you want to say before you say it. It is not every that comes to your mind is suppose to come out of your mouth.

Freedom of speech does not apply to a marriage relationship. I have suffered from the use of careless words in my marriage; it took me many days of pleading and gifting to get my wife back. Spoken words can be eternal therefore don’t speak it carelessly. The chance of using a hurt word when angry is very high; this why you must control yourself when you are angry because you might regret whatever you say at that emotional state.

Jim C. Hines said; “Freedom of speech does not protect you from the consequences of saying stupid shit.”  If hurting words have consequences, then why saying it? Consequences are an indication that it is not entirely free and these consequence c varies in magnitude.

The Power Of Spoken Words.

” A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything — or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech, we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. James 3:5-6 (MSG).

Spoken words are the force that can do two things when it is released; it can build and it can destroy; it can give life and it can kill; it can build self-esteem and it destroys self-esteem. The words you spoke can have positive and negative effects on your spouse, it is your responsibility to choose the kind of words you speak to your spouse. If you don’t want to say ‘I did not kill my spouse; I only spoke a word to him/her’ then you must learn how to use the positive side of words in your marriage relationship.

It is on record that spoken words have made some spouses commit suicide; seek a divorce, or start living an unimaginable lifestyle like adultery, masturbation, lesbianism, alcohol, drugs, homosexual and so on. Hurting words can cause a lot of irredeemable things to any marriage and that is why you must learn how to use use them correctly.

Speak Your Spouse Into Becoming What You Want.

Lack of understanding of the power of spoken word had destroyed a lot of marriages today. If you channel the force that is in a spoken word positively to your spouse, it will bring a wonderful result in your marriage relationship. God formed this world by the word of his mouth and you are created in the image and likeness of God, therefore you can bring things into existence with the word of your mouth.

Speak what you want to see from your spouse. Your tongue can speak blessing and as well as a curse but I advise you to speak more blessing to your spouse. Two of you are one, and I believe you will rather bless yourself than cursing yourself. therefore bless your spouse who is part of you.

In Matthew chapter seven and verse seven, the scripture said:  “ask and it shall be given…”; what are you asking to see from your spouse? In Job 22:28, God said;  He will do whatever you ask, and life will be bright. Job 22:28 (CEV). Let me ask you again; what are you asking to see from your spouse? Hurting words are destructive, nothing good will come from it. There are other ways to sort things out with your spouse without the use of wrong, abusive or hurting words.: make use of them.

 

How to Overcome Hurting Words.

Because it might be very difficult to stop hurting words from coming in a marriage relationship, it becomes inevitable that you equip yourself with the needed skills that will help you overcome the negative effects of such words. You might not have control over what your spouse could say but you do have control over how you will react to it or not. The power of any hurting word is on the reaction of the recipient.

6 Ways Of Overcoming Hurting Words From Your Spouse.

  1. Understand that it is coming from the devil. Devil’s assignment in your marriage is to steal, kill and to destroy (See John 10:10). Hurting or abusive words does not edify, rather they tend to kill, destroy or demoralize which follows into the category of the assignment of the devil. When Peter spoke words that can destroy the divine assignment of Jesus, Jesus called him devil because those words thou they came from the mouth of Peter but in truth, they came from the devil.

Knowing who is actually behind the spoken word will help you to know how to react to it. The best reaction you will give to the devil in this scenario is to ignore him. If you can hold and control yourself when these words are coming, you will be glad that you did because and the end of the whole drama, your spouse will realize the blunder and the damage he/she has caused and will apologize.

  1. Forgive your spouse 70×7 in a day. Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone*who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!* Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT). The divine standard is that you will only retaliate to an offense when the person has committed the same offense to you 490 times in the same day. I don’t think that your spouse can commit the same offense to you 490 times in a day therefore what you are to do is keep on forgiving.
  2. Pray for your spouse. Words that can hurt, or kill is from the devil, therefore, pray for your spouse to be delivered from satanic operations and manipulations. So while your spouse will be busy hurting, abusing or destroying with the word from his/her mouth, be praying; rebuking and binding the devil.
  3. Be expectant. For surely there is an end, and thine expectation shall not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18 (KJV). Keep on doing the right things, look forward to a positive change from your spouse.
  4. Keep on improving yourself. I could remember when I was praying to God to change my wife because she does not know how to talk and answered on the day and told me to change myself. I am giving you the same advice; always work on yourself; the better you are the better your spouse becomes.
  5. You are not those words. For instance, if your spouse calls you names, is that who you are? You are not what your spouse says you are, rather you are what God said you are. The devil attacks your identity through the words of your spouse; please don’t allow that, You are who you call yourself and not what anybody calls you.

Conclusion:

Avoid situations that will make you say; ‘I did not kill my spouse, I only spoke a word’ by using words that build, edifies and motivates in your marriage relationship. Protect your marriage by using the right words on your spouse. Don’t be quick to speak, think and understand before speaking.

 

Am Sorry-The Healing Capsule Of Marriage Relationship

Am Sorry-The Healing Capsule Of Marriage Relationship

apology

I am sorry‘ is a polite and sincere way of apologizing to your spouse for something that you have done to him or her which has upset or seem to upset, caused difficulties, pain or shame to your spouse. It is apologizing to your spouse when you sensed that he/she is no longer happy because of your action or word, or when he/she said it by himself or herself or when you know that you did not do what you are supposed to do.

It is very important to learn, cultivate and develop the habit of saying am sorry because it is one of the glues that bind marriage relationship together, secondly it is a sign of respect to your spouse that will make her feel respected which will subsequently bring out the best in him/her. Saying am sorry brings relief to you as well as your spouse, it keeps the relationship going and it makes you a better partner because apologizing builds up integrity.

“Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and willful and contrary talk put far from you”. Proverbs 4:24 (AMP). God wants you to always render a sincere apology to your spouse because it is the only type of apology that will bring a positive result by restoring or repairing any form of damage in a relationship and keeps its growing and maturing.

Why Is It Difficult To Say ‘Am Sorry’?

Have you ever ask yourself why do people find it difficult to say “I am sorry”?  Kelsey Frizzell said; I see family members refusing to talk to each other for years after an argument just because neither side wants to be the first to let go of their pride and “break down and apologize.” But who decided apologizing was a sign of weakness”?

The reason for this difficulty or the reason for this inability is rooted in selfishness or self-centeredness and selfishness and self-centeredness are the offspring of pride. Andrew Murray said that pride is the root of every sin and evil. Simply put, pride is the main reason why people find it difficult to say ‘am sorry’. So next time you see yourself struggling to apologize to your spouse, know that you are just struggling with pride.

Another reason why offenses come more quickly than being sorry is that couples see issues from their point of view rather than their spouse’s point of view. As long as they did not see anything wrong in what they did or say, they will not like to say ‘am sorry.’ Their partner can shout or show his displeasure in any manner he/she chooses, what they will keep asking is ‘what have I just done’?

Disrespect And Weakness…

Lack of respect or disregard is another reason why couples find it difficult to apologize. And this is caused by either superiority complex or inferiority complex because either of them will always affect the perceptions one will have for his/her partner. You and your spouse must always remember and believe that you are no longer two but one and are equal before God.

Most men see it as a weakness to say ‘am sorry’ to their wives. They will always ask why they should apologize to their wives.  Sir, your attitude is very wrong because of the wrong orientation. Saying ‘am sorry’ to your wife will never reduce who you are or remove anything from you, rather it places you in a place of being in charge and your wife will cherish you as a man of integrity.

Some women that are better placed financially than their husband finds it very difficult to apologize to their husband because they are breadwinners. That also is wrong because saying am sorry to your husband will never make you a lesser woman rather it will help in increasing your husband’s respect and regard for you.

Benefits Of Saying Am Sorry To Your Spouse.

“An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.”

– Lynn Johnston

If spouses can suppress pride and humble themselves and say ‘am sorry’ as when due, their marriages, and their lifestyle will be better of it because without apology. marriage relationships will not work out fine and the marriage might end in divorce.

These are some reasons why you will learn to say am sorry to your spouse;

  • It brings respect and regard to the marriage relationship.
  • Apology binds the relationship together and makes stronger.
  • Saying am sorry builds your self-esteem and that of your spouse.
  • When you apologize, you build up the emotional bank of the relationship.
  • An apology the force of love there-by enhancing the flow of the supernatural.
  • Sincere apology heals an emotional wound.
  • It opens you up to receive the best of your spouse.
  • Homes, families, and kids build-up when couples have learned and mastered the act of sincere apology.

Your Apology Must Be Sincere.

A wise man said that a sincere apology must have 3 parts:

  • I am sorry.
  • It’s my fault.
  • What can I do to make it right

The ‘am sorry’ that I am talking about must be sincere before it can be effective. A sincere apology is an apology that comes from a repentant heart and not the one that comes from the lips just to fulfill all righteousness. Again the hindrance to genuine repentance is pride.

I think what is required to make an apology easier to say is humility. Give yourself to the discipline of becoming a humble person with the help of the Holy Spirit. The benefit of humility is that it will help you to am sorry your spouse and it will also help you to apologize to your spouse when you are offended. Humility helps you to maintain peace irrespective of the source of offense

Conclusion

Peradventure you are the type that finds it difficult to say ‘am sorry’; I will advise that you start with the lips type. That is saying ‘am sorry’ that did not get to your heart. I bet you that before you know it, you will graduate to the sincere type; that is ‘am sorry’ that comes from the heart.

For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. Romans 8:13 (NKJV). Your flesh is the enemy of inter-personal relationships.  It is your responsibility with the help of the Holy Spirit to learn how to subdue your flesh and put it under control and start relating to your spouse with the love of God that has been made available in your heart.

 

 

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