There are three characters that you must have if you want to have a happier marriage. These three characters are the three pillar that holds marriage and keeps it standing against the onslaughts of the enemy. The three characters are the godly behaviors that couples must apply daily to their marriage to make it better and happier.
The importance of having and applying these three characters is to give a defense to your marriage, strengthens and empowers it and keeps it in a good healthy balance. As the foundation is important to a building so also are these three characters are important in building a happier marriage.
KILL THE BLAME MONSTER.
Blaming is a subtle monster that has entered many marriages and gradually eating them up. When was the last time you told your spouse, “it is all my fault, am sorry, please forgive me? Are you in the habit of looking for a way to pile whole blame on your spouse? In the beginning, blaming looks harmless but over time, it grows and eats up the joy and happiness of the marriage.
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16. Blaming brings strife and strife gives an opening for every work of the devil. It is what you want for your marriage? Blaming will bring to your marriage negative things that you can never imagine. Avoid it!
Blaming destroyed the first marriage
What brought about the fall of the first marriage? (The first marriage was between Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden). The quick answer will be that it was Eve ate the fruit from the tree that God told them not to eat. Then what happened? Adam started blaming Eve (he also indirectly blamed God. Eve blamed the serpent. None of them accepted the responsibility of what happened not to mention apologizing to God for their disobedience.
Ask yourself what could have happened if Adam and Eve had asked God for forgiveness rather than blaming other people except themselves?
Kill the blame monster and have a happier marriage.
Blaming has never brought anything good in any relationship. Maybe this has been the main reason why things are not working out well in your marriage relationship. Think about this and plan for adjustment. Change your manner of approach. Blaming is never the best; it brings strife and a whole lot of negativity with it. Marriage.
Think about what your relationship will be like without blame. Blaming is simply saying it is not my fault but yours. If your spouse is saying the same thing, whose fault is it? If both of you are right in, how then will there be a solution? This will never solve anything. Starting with yourself. If you are wrong, you know. Don’t defend yourself or blame your spouse rather say; “it is my fault, I am sorry, please forgive me. This will make a marriage happier.
DETERMINE TO BE BETTER.
For you are still only baby Christians, controlled by your desires, not God’s. When you are jealous of one another and divide up into quarreling groups, doesn’t that prove you are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like people who don’t belong to the Lord at all.
1 Corinthians 3:3
The child grew and developed in body and spirit. He lived in the desert until the day when he appeared publicly to the people of Israel. Luke 1:80
Positive changes and self-improvements are an integral part of the marriage relationship. You are not expected to be at the same level of behavior that was when you get married to your spouse. Everything around you demands that you keep on improving yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually and this requires high-level determination and discipline.
James Allen said; “Man is a growth by law and not a creation by artifice, and cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things. A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with Godlike thoughts. An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts.
RAISE THE BAR OF LIMITATION.
Don’t place any form of limitation on yourself because it is a sign of inferiority or superiority complex. Any form of limitation will affect the happiness of the marriage. Raising the bar is a must-have character for a happier marriage. It means a willingness for improvement.
These are four cardinal areas of improvement that are required from you if you want to have a happier marriage.
- Physical improvement. You are expected to keep improving on your body structure and eating (healthy) habit.
- Emotional improvement. Keep building and keeping your intimacy with your spouse glowing.
- Financial improvement. Don’t be a liability to your spouse and marriage. Make sure you are contributing positively to the financial upliftment of the marriage.
- Spiritual improvement: Don’t lose or stagnate the fire. Keep on improving towards spiritual maturity.
You Can Do All Things.
Devil wants you to focus on your weakness and inability and conclude that there is nothing you can do. But God wants you to develop the character of always focusing on his ability in you to have a happier marriage. He wants you to have the character of looking at a challenge and say I will overcome it because God’s ability is in me. This is the type of character that builds a happier marriage because it energizes and motivates and equips you to go out with the mindset of I can do it.
I Can Get Better.
Concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won’t be ashamed of, laying out the truth plain and simple. 2 Timothy 2:15. You can learn anything! Don’t be stagnant in knowledge. Learn anything that you know that will be of benefit to your marriage.
As a wife learn how to cook new dishes; learn to look good always; just do the best of what you can do. Learn those things that will make your husband happier and subsequently bring a happier marriage. The same applies to you as a man. Improve on your caring and loving skills. Continuously improve on your romance and sex skills; learn to do some house chores; things like this will make your wife happier.
SPEAK THE RIGHT WORD.
You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say. 21 What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.
Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can’t go on. 11 A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? 12 Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? James 3:10-12
Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit. Proverbs 15:4
Speaking the right words is a character that you must develop if you want to have a happier marriage. Stop being careless with words most especially when you are speaking to your spouse.
Marriage starts with the word; it is sustained with the word and it is destroyed with the word. Your words can build your spouse and it can kill your spouse. Read my post titled: I Did Not Kill My Spouse; I Only Spoke A Word.
Let Your Word Be In Grace.
Let the words that come from your mouth speak hope, love, and enthusiasm to your spouse. Learn to build up good emotional deposits through the words you speak to your spouse. Let your word put a smile on his/her free and bring him/her hope and peace subsequently making your marriage happier.