Causes Of Conflict In Relationships.

Causes Of Conflict In Relationships.

Understanding the causes of conflict is the first step in conflict resolution because a problem known is a problem half solved. Conflict can not be permanently resolved if the root cause of the problem is not known. Diagonizing and discovering the reason or the why of conflict is not to witch hunt any of the parties involved rather is the first step to finding a lasting solution.

 

In this small write-up, I want to throw some light on the causes of conflict because knowing and understanding the reason behind conflict will help you in handling it in such a way that it will benefit you and your partner.
These are two basic causes of conflict in any kind of relationship, they are (i) Self-centeredness and (ii) Pride.

The First Cause Of Conflict: Self Centeredness.

Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that make war inside you. James 4:1 ERV
Self–centeredness simply means the attitude of being not interested in want happens to others; am only concerned with what am suppose to gain.

Marrian Webster dictionary defined it as; “concerned solely with one’s own desires, needs, or interests”.

Self-centeredness is an indication of carnality; that is life in the flesh; a life that is not guided by the love of God. It is a sign that the love of God is not fully operational in a person’s life. Love of God (Seeking the benefit of your spouse first) is the direct opposite of self-centeredness.

If you are easily irritable or piss-offed, that is an indication of self –centeredness. But when you are operating in the love of God, it will be difficult for anything to piss you off.

There are two arms of self-centeredness; they are non-compatibility and, immaturity/inflexibility.

a) We are not compatible!
The expression; “We are incompatible has often appeared in almost all divorce cases and always available in almost all the conflicts that exist in marriages.
The truth is that people are not compatible because there no two people that are the same. Though you are not the same as your spouse, you can choose to fit yourself into the relationship. All that it requires of you are adjustment, tolerance, acceptance, and above all the understanding of the truth that nobody is perfect.
Stop expecting your spouse to think, behave and act like you. Two of you are never the same. According to the bible, you and your spouse came together and become one. Which implies that you complimented each other to become one. Marriage is the coming together of two different people who have different upbringing, orientation, and belief systems, and the no way two of you can be the same.

Understanding this concept is key in fighting conflict in relationships. somebody said that “A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to let go of each other.” To avoid unnecessary conflict, you must let go of the chase of compatibility; and leverage on your strengths while managing each other’s weaknesses.

b) Immaturity and inflexibility
The primary ingredients of all marital conflicts are immaturity and inflexibility (intolerance). Studies have shown that immaturity and inflexibility cause more harm in a marriage relationship than incompatibility. Immaturity has caused the death of many marriages than all other factors put together.

Maturity is the key to a successful marriage! Therefore GROW-UP! Make growth, discipline, and consistent self-development a habit and lifestyle. Choose between humbling yourself by paying the price for growth and maturity and seeing your marriage dead!

God loves varieties and that is why you are different from your spouse. If there is no difference between you and your spouse, if two of you are all the same, the marriage relation will one day become boring because growth and personal development will be hindered. But the greater your difference, the greater your potential for growth (please understand this and strive to consistently improve yourself).

The more you understand people (their circumstances, their background, their temperament and views (their belief system) the more patient and flexible you are going to be with them. People don’t change easily, therefore learn to be patient and flexible.

You have different backgrounds and orientations with your spouse including different temperaments and yet you want him/her to behave exactly the way you want. This will always lead to conflict.
It will be to your advantage if you stop being judgmental because there is a huge difference between your belief system and that of your spouse.

Maturity, therefore, demands that you concentrate on becoming a better version of yourself because it is the only way to get the best of your spouse. Deep calling unto deep, therefore the better version of yourself will call out the better version of your spouse.

Marriage is a place of learning and development; it can expose you to your faults and shortcoming. One of the purposes of marriage is to give you a platform to develop, mature, and grow to be like Jesus. It all requires humility.

If you are humble, you can learn from anybody (including your spouse); you can also learn from any situation or circumstance. You can learn to love and you can learn to adapt and co-exist with anybody. Brain Tracy said that everything is learnable.

I want you to know that it is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. Remember, an unresolved conflict affects your fellowship with God; hinders your prayers from been answered, and above all steals your happiness; therefore, it is to your advantage that you master the skill of conflict resolution.

It is of equal importance to know that human beings are naturally self-centered creatures. If you want to have a good relationship in any area of your life, you must learn how to think less of yourself. Joyce Meyer said; “If we live a self-directed, self-motivated, self-centered life, always needing to get our way, then we’re going to be miserable. Many times we believe it’s our problems that are making us unhappy when, in reality, it’s because we’re focused on ourselves!

Second Cause Of Conflict: Pride.
Pride only leads to arguments, but those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10 NCV.
Proud people get their feelings hurt easily. Before I go further, let me quickly inform you that pride is the root cause of all sins (Including unresolved conflict and broken relationships).

You can’t have a flourishing relationship if you are not intentionally dealing with the issue of pride in your life. Pride can simply mean the inability to identify or own up to your blind spot or weakness.

a) Deal with Your Blind Spot
Why, then, do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your eye? 4 How dare you say to your brother, ‘Please, let me take that speck out of your eye,’ when you have a log in your eye? 5, You hypocrite! First, take the log out of your eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 GNT

A blind spot is a weakness in your life that you cannot see or you are not aware that exists. Pride includes been ignorant or defensive of your fault and trying to correct other people of their fault.

God used this verse to deliver me and subsequently delivered my marriage when it was on the verge of total and disastrous collapse. I was always thinking that it was my wife that is the cause of the incessant conflict in our marriage.

Until one day out of desperation, I cried to God to help me and transform my wife and God shocked me by telling me that if I want a better marriage; if I want my wife to change that I should work on myself. He told me that if I can remove the log of wood in my eyes; then and only then I will begin to see the beauty and sweetness of my wife and consequently my marriage.

Until you deal with your blind spot (which pride has hidden from you) you will always have conflict in your relationship. Deal first with your fault and weakness before you can deal with that of another person. You can influence somebody to change but you cannot force any person to change.

These few questions will help you to locate your blind spot:
i. Can you easily say sorry to your partner even when you know that you are not at fault?
ii. Are you self-centered?
iii. Have you been unrealistic?
iv. How sensitive are you to the things that concern your partner?
v. Have been ungrateful?
vi. Are you over-demanding?
vii. Are you easily offended?
viii. Do you always feel like dominating your spouse?
ix. Are you difficult to please?
x. Is it easy for you to forgive or does it take time for you to forgive?
The secret of overcoming pride is to stop thinking first about yourself and concentrate on thinking about the good and the best of your partner. Above all, learn to say to your spouse; “am sorry, I think am been self-centered”.
These little exercises will help you to overcome pride, have victory over conflict, and then have a wonderful relationship (don’t forget that by your strength that you can make it, you need the help of the Holy Spirit),

The Power Of Appreciation

The Power Of Appreciation

 

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

William James

14 Personally, I’ve been completely satisfied with who you are and what you are doing. You seem to me to be well-motivated and well-instructed, quite capable of guiding and advising one another. Romans 15:14(MSG).

According to the Oxford English Reference Dictionary, to appreciate means’

  1. Esteem highly
  2. Value
  3. Grateful for
  4. Understand the importance
  5. Rise in value

Marriage relationship gets better when spouses learn how to appreciate each other. If you sincerely want to see the best of your spouse, you must master the habit of appreciation. Professor William James the great American psychologist said that the greatest need of humans is to be appreciated at all times.

Studies has shown that people do more when they are appreciated, therefore if you want to get more from your spouse, if you want the best from your spouse, you must master the habit of appreciation. This sounds simple but it works like magic. This singular habit is my greatest weapon in this journey.

Human brain is wired to pick out things that are not right or errors. I found out from experience and study that many people are fault founders. I also found out that fault finding inhibits development and growth. Therefore, whenever you want to make correction or suggestion, start with appreciation. What this does is to put your partner in a relax and receptive mode then you can make your correction or suggestion. Don’t forget to do it in love.

For men, appreciate your wives always. Appreciate her make-up, her dress, hairstyle, her body, her baby carrying, her food, etc. (If you don’t do that, another man can do it to her and that can be dangerous). It is after appreciating her that you can make a correction or suggestion or give her advice.

This is also applicable to women. Don’t allow an outsider to do it for you. Learn to always appreciate your husband; he is your covering and your head. Appreciating your husband will boost his self-confidence; energize him and motivate him to go all out to please you.

 Effects Or Benefits Of Appreciation.

From the above dictionary definition of appreciation, I deduced some positive effects of appreciation on your partner. And I believe that you and your relationship has a lot to benefit from it.

  1. It esteems your spouse, boasts his/her confidence, and eliminates all forms of the complex. It might interest you to know that high self-esteem and self-confidence are prerequisite for success. The success of your spouse will contribute to your success and that of the relationship.
  2. It adds value to your spouse which will be beneficial to the marriage relationship. I don’t think you will like to be in relationship with any person who has low self-worth. Appreciation is the surest way to raise the value or self-worth of your spouse.
  3. It brings gratitude into the relationship and gratitude is an action motivator therefore, appreciation motivates spouses to do more. This is one of the wonders of appreciation; it makes people to do more. An Igbo adage said; “If you appreciate or show gratitude to any person, that person will do more”. Therefore, if you want more from your spouse, you must master the habit of gratitude and appreciation.
  4. Appreciation shows that you understand what your spouse did. It gladdens the heart of your spouse when he/she is appreciated. People dislike all forms of nonchalance from people they have something in common with. For example how will you feel as a woman that your husband came back from work, move to the dinning, eat your food and continue discussing with you without making any mention of the food?
  5. It shows your spouse that you have placed him or her on a higher level of value. It is generally accepted that we appreciate what we value. And people also believe that those that value them are the people that appreciate them.

Appreciation makes your spouse feel respected, accepted, understood, and loved. Sometimes, my wife will ask me: “do you see my new hairstyle? I will say yes. Then she will ask me: “then what did you do?”  At this juncture, it will be done on me that I have not appreciated her new hairstyle. These kinds of omissions are not good for any marriage relationship.

But What If…?

If for instance, you don’t like the dress or the dressing or make-up of your spouse or anything else, this is how you go about it. Don’t start with outright criticism, correction, or condemnation; rather start with appreciation and tactfully bring out your point. The appreciation will make the heart of your spouse open and receptive to what you want to say which can be correction, suggestion, or advice.

People see criticism, correction or scudding as an infringement to their self-worth. This will be taken care of by appreciation. Criticism and correction triggers defensive mood; therefore don’t start with them. Start with appreciation, this will deactivate self-defense and activate receptive mood, create an enabling atmosphere for better discussion, Try and thank me later.

Let me conclude by saying that appreciation motivates for more; the more you appreciate the more you get and the better your partner becomes. For instance, if a wife appreciates a little gift as small as hair tie from her husband, she should rest assured that more gifts and presents will come from the husband.

Appreciate your husband; appreciate your wife. Though he/she has not met up to your expectation, continue appreciating him/her. Don’t forget that God told us not to despise the day of little beginning. It will get better if you continue to appreciate and never give up.

Appreciation draws out the best in your spouse. Appreciation is the lubricant of a relationship. Nothing will ever work well in any relationship where appreciation is absent.

Action Exercise.

What You Can Do Now

  • Make a list of ten things you like about your spouse. Make sure it is not less than ten.
  • Choose the one you like most.
  • When was the last time you tell your spouse about it?
  • Tell him/her about this two times every day.
  • Tell your spouse something good in the morning.
  • Tell your spouse something good in the night.
  • Give your spouse a hug when any of you is living the house.
  • Give your spouse a hug when any of you comes back to the house.

 

This One Skill Will Help you Resolve Conflict Fast: Begin With Your Fault.

This One Skill Will Help you Resolve Conflict Fast: Begin With Your Fault.

The greatest challenge of conflict resolution is the inability of the parties involve to accept their faults: this can be called “It is your fault syndrome”. I still wonder why people tend to forget that nobody is perfect including you.

But you should always remember that you are not perfect and you will never be! Therefore, don’t begin conflict resolution with accusation or pointing at the fault of the other; something like this:
“It is your fault!”
“No it is not my fault because you are the first to raise your voice”
“But you provoked me first.” If you did not provoke me, how will i raise my voice”
If you have done what you are suppose to do, will i have provoked you?”
“What did i do?” and so on….

This blaming game or accusation battle will never solve or resolve any conflict. Here is a hidden truth: “no matter how much you are offended, there is an atom of your fault, it might be in your defense or your response to the whole issue”.

The best way to start conflict resolution or restoration of a broken relationship process is to point out your fault no matter how minute it is. If you start in this manner, you have a very high chance of succeeding because this attitude is an emotional door opener; it works like magic.

Causes of Conflict.
Before we go further let me throw some light on the causes of conflict because knowing and understanding the reason behind conflicts will help you see where you got it wrong.
These are two basic causes of conflict in any kind of relationship, they are (i) Self-centeredness and (ii) Pride, on this two characters anchors all forms and causes of conflict.

i) Beware of Self Centeredness
Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that make war inside you. James 4:1 ERV
Self – centeredness is an indication of carnality; that is life in the flesh. It is a sign that the love of God is not fully operational in a person’s life. Love of God (Seeking the benefit of your spouse/others first) is the direct opposite of self-centeredness.
If you are easily irritable or piss-offed, that is an indication of self –centeredness. But when you are operating in the love of God, it will be difficult for anything to piss you off.

a) We are not compatible!
The expression; “We are incompatible has often appeared in almost all divorce cases and always available in almost all the conflicts that exist in marriages.
The truth is that people are not compatible because there no two people that are the same. Though you are not the same as your spouse, you can choose to go along in the relationship. All that it requires are adjustment; tolerance; acceptance and above all the understanding that nobody is perfect.

b) Immaturity and inflexibility
The primary ingredients of all marital conflicts are immaturity and inflexibility (intolerance). Studies have shown that immaturity and inflexibility cause more harm in a marriage relationship than incompatibility. Immaturity has caused the death of many marriages than all other factors put together.

Maturity is the key to a successful marriage! Therefore GROW-UP! Make growth, discipline, and consistent development a habit and lifestyle. Choose between humbling yourself by paying the price for growth and maturity and seeing your marriage dead!

God loves varieties and that is why you are different from your spouse. If there is no difference between you and your spouse, if two of you are all the same, the marriage relationship will one day become boring because growth and personal development will be hindered. But the greater your difference, the greater your potential for growth (please understand this and strive to consistently improve yourself).

The more you understand people (their circumstances, their background, their temperament and views (their belief system) the more patient and flexible you are going to be with them. People don’t change easily, therefore learn to be patient and flexible.

You have different backgrounds and orientations with your spouse including different temperaments and yet you want him/her to behave exactly the way you want. This will always lead to conflict.

It will be to your advantage if you stop being judgmental because there is a huge difference between your belief system and that of your spouse. Maturity, therefore, demands that you concentrate on becoming a better version of yourself; this is how to get the best of your spouse. Deep calling unto deep, therefore the better version of yourself will call out the better version of your spouse.;

Marriage is a place of learning and development; it can expose you to your faults and shortcoming. One of the purposes of marriage is to give you a platform to develop, mature, and grow to be like Jesus. It all requires humility.

If you are humble, you can learn from anybody (including your spouse); you can also learn from any situation or circumstance. You can learn to love and you can learn to adapt and co-exist with anybody. Brain Tracy said that everything is learnable.

I want you to know that it is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. Remember, an unresolved conflict affects your fellowship with God; hinders your prayers from been answered, and above all steals your happiness; therefore, it is to your advantage that you master the skill of conflict resolution.

It is of equal importance to know that human beings are naturally self-centered creatures. If you want to have a good relationship in any area of your life, you must learn how to think less of yourself. Joyce Meyer said; “If we live a self-directed, self-motivated, self-centered life, always needing to get our way, then we’re going to be miserable. Many times we believe it’s our problems that are making us unhappy when, in reality, it’s because we’re focused on ourselves!

ii) Pride
Pride only leads to arguments, but those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10 NCV. Proud people get their feelings hurt easily. Before I go further, let me quickly inform you that pride is the root cause of all sins (Including unresolved conflict and broken relationships). You can’t have a flourishing relationship if you are not intentionally dealing with the issue of pride in your life.

a) Deal with Your Blind Spot
Why, then, do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your eye? 4 How dare you say to your brother, ‘Please, let me take that speck out of your eye,’ when you have a log in your eye? 5, You hypocrite! First, take the log out of your eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 GNT
A blind-spot is a weakness in your life that you cannot see or you are not aware that exists. Pride includes been ignorant of your fault and trying to correct other people of his/her fault.

God used this verse to deliver me and subsequently delivered my marriage when it was on the verge of total and disastrous collapse. I was always thinking that it was my wife that is the cause of the incessant conflict in our marriage.

Until one day out of desperation, I cried to God to help me and transform my wife and God shocked me by telling me that if I want a better marriage; if I want my wife to change that I should work on myself. He told me that if I can remove the log of wood in my eyes; then and only then I will begin to see the beauty and sweetness of my wife and consequently my marriage.

Until you deal with your blind spot (which pride has hidden from you) you will always have conflict in your relationship. Deal first with your fault and weakness before you can deal with that of another person. You can influence somebody to change but you cannot force any person to change.

These few questions will help you to locate your blind spot
i. Can you easily say sorry to your partner even when you know that you are not at fault?
ii. Are you self centered?
iii. Have you been unrealistic?
iv. How sensitive are you to the things that concern your partner?
v. Have been ungrateful?
vi. Are you over-demanding?
vii. Are you easily offended?
viii. Do you always feel like dominating your spouse?
ix. Are you difficult to please?
x. Is it easy for you to forgive or does it take time for you to forgive?

The secret of overcoming pride is to stop thinking first about yourself and concentrate on thinking about the good and the best of your partner. Above all, learn to say to your spouse; “am sorry, I think am been self-centered”.

These little exercises will help you to overcome pride, have victory over conflict, and then have a wonderful relationship (don’t forget that by your strength that you can make it, you need the help of the Holy Spirit),

HOW TO SET SMART GOALS.

HOW TO SET SMART GOALS.

The smart goal according to Wikipedia is an idea of the future or desired result that a person or a group of people envision, plan, and commit to achieving. Therefore life without a goal is a life without direction and purpose.

A smart goal in its simplest definition is a written down vision, dreams, and aspirations. The goal is futuristic in that you are looking at the things you will accomplish in the future i.e. something that you have not yet achieved or acquired. It will be difficult to achieve goals that are not well capture or that are put into the wrong perspective.

Goals must, therefore, be S.M.A.R.T if they can be achieved. SMART is an acronym that can be used to guide the process of goal setting to achieve the desired result. SMART means (S=Specific; M=Measurable; A=Attainable; R=Realistic; T=Time bound). Goals that are SMART centered stand a better chance of been achieved than vague goals.

 HOW S.M.A.R.T CAME

SMART as criteria for setting and achievable goals are commonly attributed to Peter Drucker’s management by the objective concept. The first known use of the term SMART occurred in the November 1981 issue of management Review by George T. Doran. Since then, Professor Robert S. Rubin wrote about SMART in an article for The Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology. He said that SMART has come to mean different things to different people, as shown below.

 An attainable goal must have the following attributes:

  • Specific (Simple, Sensible, Significant)
  • Measurable (Meaningful and Motivating)
  • Achievable (agreed, attainable)
  • Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, result-based)
  • Time-bound (time-based, time-limited, time cost limited, timely, time-sensitive)

Professor Robert S Rubin also notes that the definition of the SMART acronym may need updating to reflect the importance of efficacy and feedback.

 

WHAT IS SMART GOAL?

The purpose of goal setting is to provide you a target to aim for; guidelines to follow; focus to concentrate on, a dream to achieve, and a vision to pursue. Therefore, the SMART tool is a concept that is used as a guideline for setting and achieving goals because it shows the attributes that will be looked out for. SMART goals are therefore easy to achieve.

SMART goal setting brings structure and trackability into your goals and objectives. Instead of vague resolutions, SMART goal setting creates verifiable trajectories towards a certain objective with clear milestones and an estimation of the attainability of the goal. Every goal or objective from short-term to long-term objectives can be made SMART and as such brought closer to reality.

 

What SMART  GOAL stands for…

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Achievable

R – Relevant

T – Time-Bound

NB: Some authors have expanded it to include extra focus areas.

E – Evaluate

R – Reviewed

 

S.M.A.R.T.E.R, therefore, represents characteristics or attributes or criteria of achievable goals.

Specific

The first attribute of an achievable smart goal is clarity. Clear and specific goals direct energy, focus, time, and resources into the right channel for optimization. For a goal to be clear and specific, it must answer the following 5W questions. They are: What do I want to accomplish

  • Why is this goal important to me
  • Who is involved?
  • Where is it located?
  • Which resources or limits are involved’

You need to spend time here because getting the above questions right is what will give your endeavor the right and strong footing

 Measurable

This is a must possess an attribute in any goal. It simply means that the progress of the goal must be measured and assessed; this will help you to stay focused on the deadline and the desired result. You must set a deadline when you want to achieve your goal

A measurable goal should answer the following questions.

  • How much?
  • The second question is how many?
  • And the third question is how will I know when it is accomplished?

Achievable:

Set realistic and attainable goals. You must be in control of your goal. Setting unrealistic or unattainable goals leads to frustration. This does not mean that you will set your goals too low as this will lead to demotivation.

Achievable goals will answer the following questions

  • How can I accomplish this goal?
  • To the constraints at hand, how realistic is the goal?

 Relevant

Relevant Smart GoalsMake sure that your goal matters to you, that you are passionate about it and that it is centered around your values and priorities. Nothing is worth doing without passion. Passion is the fuel that powers of drive and quest for achievement. Goals must be relevant for passion to produce results.

The relevant goal will answer yes to the following questions

  • Does this goal seem worthwhile?
  • Is this the right time?
  • Am I with the right association/people?
  • Am I applying the required and right effort?

    Time-Bound

    Goal deadlineEvery goal must have a target date as a deadline to enable focus. Deadline or achievable dates helps to eliminate doing things that will delay actualization of the set goal. A time-bound goal will usually answer these questions.

  • When?
  • What can I do today?
  • How about the next six weeks?
  • Then. what can I do in the six months?

    Evaluate

    Evaluate Smart GoalEvaluate your progress every single day. Make this easier by doing something every single that makes you closer to actualizing your goal. The evaluation will answer the following questions?

  • Am I doing something every day about my goal?
  • How serious am I?
  • At this rate am going, will I be able to actualize my goal?

    Review:

    review goalThis is a periodic and in-depth look and analysis of the process of the actualization of the set goal to see if you are still on track. This is what gives an indication of the overall process and how to make adjustments as when necessary.

  • How well have I implemented my plan?
  • How efficient and effective are my actions?
  • What is the percentage of work completed
  • Have I spent the required time?
  • Did I make effective use of my time?
  • What are the areas that need adjustment?
70 Questions To Discover  Your Spouse.

70 Questions To Discover Your Spouse.

70 questions to discover your spouse is a relationship quiz that will be taken together by couples to enable them to discover each and understand themselves better and subsequently improve the overall wellness of their relationship.

 

I dividend this couples quiz into ten categories with seven questions on each category. Couples are advised to approach this quiz with the lover’s mindset and with the aims of building a better marriage relationship.

 

Couples Beware!

This couples quiz is not intended to witchhunt or expose the weakness of couples to the detainment of the success of the marriage. Rather, the reason for this relationship quiz is to discover areas of strength and weakness of the couples and find a way to improve on them. It is for you to discover and know your spouse more.

 

HOW TO ANSWER THE QUIZ

The best way to answer this couple’s quiz is to do it together with your spouse. Remember two is better than one. It is not that you cannot take the quiz alone; but if you want to get the best-intended result which is improving on the strength and weaknesses of your spouse, take the quiz together.

 

The Requirements:

  1. Be truthful (Thou shall not lie).
  2. Openness and sincerity (Bring out all the skeleton in the cupboard).
  3. A journal or a notebook.
  4. A pen.
  5. A conducive atmosphere.

NB: The above requirements are for the husband and the wife.

 

Read and understand the questions and then give the answers on your separate journal or notebook. At the end of the quiz, exchange your journal or notebook with your spouse. Please go through your answers in love and start discussing it together.

 

10 CATEGORIES OF COUPLES QUIZ 

  1. Family/Friends category
  2. Romance/Sex category
  3. Friendship/Communication category
  4. Values/Vision category
  5. Mental category
  6. Emotional category
  7. Finance category
  8. Spiritual category
  9. Physical/Health category
  10. Social Category

 

FAMILY/FRIENDS CATEGORY

  1. How well do you know the best friend/friends of your spouse?
  2. Have you ever hang-out with your spouse and his/her friends?
  3. How well do you know the family history/background of your spouse?
  4. How well do you know and relate with the siblings of your spouse?
  5. Do you know the enemies or perceived enemies of your spouse? How do you relate with them
  6. What will you say about parental influence on your spouse?
  7. Are you attached more to your family or more to your spouse?

 

ROMANCE/SEX CATEGORY

couple quiz

  1. Do you ever miss your spouse when he/she is not with you?
  2. Do you kiss or touch your partner affectionately?
  3. How romantic is your spouse?
  4. How passionate are you to your spouse and your relationship?
  5. Do you have a satisfying sex life with your spouse?
  6. Can you proudly hold or kiss your spouse in the public?
  7. How will you react if you catch your spouse having sex with another person?

 

FRIENDSHIP AND COMMUNICATION CATEGORY

couples quiz

  1. Is your spouse your best friend?
  2. Do you enjoy talking with your spouse?
  3. What is the rate of your contribution and influence during a discussion with your spouse?
  4. How do you handle the situation when there is disagreement during a discussion with your spouse?
  5. How well do you participate when your spouse has issues or challenges of any kind?
  6. Do you look forward to seeing your spouse at the end of the work hours of the day?
  7. How often do you communicate with your spouse when you are not together?

 

 

VALUE/VISION CATEGORY

couples quiz

  1. Do you have a well-defined core value and belief system with your spouse?
  2. Do you have a written down goal and vision with your spouse?
  3. How well do you like the personality and character of your spouse? (what are the habits, beliefs, and characters of your spouse that you do not like?)
  4. How often do you agree or disagree with the views of your spouse on the issue that concerns your relationship?
  5. Do you know the life dream of your spouse?
  6. Do you draw inspiration or motivation from your spouse?
  7. Is your spouse pursuing his/her God-given life purpose?

 

MENTAL CATEGORY

couple quiz

  1. Are you at the same educational level as your spouse? If the answer is No, how are you coping with the difference?
  2. How many books do you read in the year? Your spouse will confirm this.
  3. How many books on marriage have you read or how seminars/training on relationship have you attended since you got married?
  4. Do you ever study together with your spouse? If yes, how often, if the answer is no, why?
  5. Do you listen to the news, or watch movies or documentaries together with your spouse?
  6. Do you like to show or prove to your spouse that you are more knowledgeable than him/her?
  7. How will you rate your spouse when it comes to knowledge acquisition?

 

EMOTIONAL CATEGORY

couple quiz

  1. Do you still remember the first time you saw your spouse and what attracted you to him/her?
  2. Do you know what your spouse loves the most about you?
  3. What are the major dislikes of your spouse? List at least three of them.
  4. Do you know what makes your spouse happy? (how often do you do this or how often do you violate it?)
  5. How well does your spouse enjoy your company?
  6. Is there the opposite sex in your life that you are comparing your spouse to; or who you wish your spouse to be like? If the answer is yes; why?
  7. How emotionally are you attached to your spouse?

 

FINANCE CATEGORY

couple quiz

  1. Do you know the monthly income of your spouse?
  2. Do you operate any Joint account; joint business or Joint investment with your spouse?
  3. Do you have any financial plan/vision or goal with your spouse?
  4. Are you the breadwinner of the family? If yes, what will you say about your spouse’s support?
  5. What will you say about the money management capacity of your spouse?
  6. Do you have the same belief with your spouse in issues like giving, tithing, supporting the church, giving to charity and less-privileged people?
  7. Do you think your spouse can earn more? If yes, discuss how to do that, if the answer is no, seek on how to improve on that.

 

SPIRITUAL CATEGORY

  1. Do you pray together? If yes, how often? If No, why?
  2. Do you study the word of God together? If yes how often? If no why
  3. Do you attend the same church? If no, why?
  4. How do you handle issues and challenges with your spouse?
  5. What is your spouse’s belief in the following doctrinal issues (water baptism, speaking in tongues, the Holy Ghost baptism, prophecy, healing, generational curse, God’s blessings, sowing and reaping, sin and consequences of sin?
  6. What is the place of God in your relationship?
  7. Is the church transforming your spouse into a better person? If the answer is no, what do you think should be done?

 

PHYSICAL/HEALTH CATEGORY

couple quiz

  1. Is your spouse eating the right diet?
  2. Is your spouse doing the right exercise as at when due?
  3. Is your spouse taking good care of his/her health?
  4. Do you take a walk together with your spouse? If yes how often, if no why?
  5. Does your spouse undergo routine medical check-ups?
  6. Did you know the family health history of your spouse?
  7. Are you having any health challenge that you have not shared with your spouse?

 

SOCIAL CATEGORY

couples quiz

  1. How often do you go out with your spouse?
  2. Do you like attending a social function with your spouse or do you like to go alone?
  3. Can you proudly introduce your spouse to your friends?
  4. How do you celebrate special days like birthday and wedding anniversary with your spouse?
  5. Have you traveled together on a vacation or holiday with your spouse?
  6. What qualities made you marry your spouse? List at list three of them.
  7. What are the weakness and bad habits that you have observed in your spouse? List at least three of them.

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